This was a poem I wrote for my daughter Rachel for her graduation from high school last May. She has always been my daddy's girl. I have always abhorred those parents that gloat excessively about their kids. I get the unconditional love that a parent has for their children but I always felt that was best expressed to the child not to the world. I must admit I break my own rule on this sometimes. I am very proud of the kind of person Rachel has become. She has a compassion and sense of justice for those who are not as privileged that is uncommon for most of us and especially one as young as she is. I constantly am learning from her. This was her graduation gift and it was as meaningful and valuable as any gift I could possibly buy for her, at least in my eyes.
Daddy's Girl
There are no words to say how proud
There is no song that I can sing
No hug that can last long enough
That tell or show you how I feel
It seems like it was yesterday
You were a babe upon my arms
Then in a classroom down the hall
Each moment special along the way
With your spirit of compassion
And your gentle, giving soul
God has blessed you with gifts to share
Now take these gifts and let your life soar
A small part of life behind you
So many great journeys ahead
My prayers and thoughts will be with you
Forever you will be Daddy's Girl
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Eyes
This one is a work in progress...feel free to help out. I am big believer in the eyes being the window to your soul. I am sure I am not alone but I believe I can tell a great deal about a person just by looking into their eyes. It can be intimidating to have someone really look into your eyes, maybe scary as I'm not sure I want others to see into my soul for fear they may not like who I am. Those who I am closest to I can see their state of being almost immediately by looking in their eyes. A friend I work with this year came to a meeting and I knew immediately something was wrong. She had sad eyes. She was surprised when I asked her about it as she thought it was hidden. There was some stress in her life and it showed up in her eyes. When I was in college I sang with a Christian rock band. We used to pray that the audience would see Jesus in our eyes. That they would see a difference in our eyes. It was miraculous how many times we were told after a concert that they could see something different in our eyes. Yep, the eyes have it for me.
Eyes
Will you look into my eyes
And see into my soul
If you see into my soul
Will there be a fire burning
If you see a fire burning
Who will the flame belong to
And if the flame belongs to God
Will you see Jesus in my eyes
Will you look into my eyes
And see into my life
If you see into my life
Will there be compassion or pride
If you see compassion
Will the actions of my life reflect that
And if you see pride and not love
Will you see sadness in my eyes
Will you look into my eyes
And see beyond my sin
If you see beyond my sin
Will there be a child of God
If you see a child of God
Will I see a child of God too
And if I see a child of God
Will I see beauty in your eyes
Not sure if this is in its final mode but you get the drift.
Eyes
Will you look into my eyes
And see into my soul
If you see into my soul
Will there be a fire burning
If you see a fire burning
Who will the flame belong to
And if the flame belongs to God
Will you see Jesus in my eyes
Will you look into my eyes
And see into my life
If you see into my life
Will there be compassion or pride
If you see compassion
Will the actions of my life reflect that
And if you see pride and not love
Will you see sadness in my eyes
Will you look into my eyes
And see beyond my sin
If you see beyond my sin
Will there be a child of God
If you see a child of God
Will I see a child of God too
And if I see a child of God
Will I see beauty in your eyes
Not sure if this is in its final mode but you get the drift.
Communion
Communion for me is the most powerful experience of worship. I always pray before I go up for the bread and wine with an image in mind. I have this image of Jesus from a pic we had in our room in college. We always called it the Jesus after basketball pic. It looked like Jesus just finished playing an outside pick up game of basketball. Well for me anyway. Then I picture this Jesus on the cross, blood dripping down from his nail scarred hands. This blood drops to my blackened, sinful heart. The next image is so powerful for me, the red blood drops on the blackened heart and where it lands turn white. This is how I picture communion the body and blood going into my blackened heart and I leave with a pure, white heart. I've always wanted to get one of my talented artist friends to paint this picture for me. After I commune I always go back to my pew and give thanks for his healing and forgiveness, for my white heart, knowing it will be black again soon. I'm sure many people in church wonder why I'm praying before and after instead of singing the communion songs. It is without question the most significant part of my worship experience.
Communion
Take this body and this blood
Make white my blackened heart
Sharing a meal so simple
And God will do his part
Kneeling upon the altar
Take bread within your hand
A cup of wine to follow
Upon his grace you stand
As you receive the blessing
He pours out all His love
Forgiveness at communion
Peace descends like a dove
Communion
Take this body and this blood
Make white my blackened heart
Sharing a meal so simple
And God will do his part
Kneeling upon the altar
Take bread within your hand
A cup of wine to follow
Upon his grace you stand
As you receive the blessing
He pours out all His love
Forgiveness at communion
Peace descends like a dove
Faith Unknown
My faith walk has taken me many places and through many changes. Changes that have been personal, theological, positive, negative, and life-changing. Without my faith I would hate to imagine the choices I would have made or where I would have ended up. With it I have made plenty of mistakes, I can't fathom what they would have been without faith. I can say all the right things, put the right image forward, and know what some see as right. I don't live it as I speak it though. I used to be a real black & white faith guy in my early walk. I must admit I am much more gray now and have far more questions than answers. I don't think this is bad, it causes me to rely more on God's grace and forgiveness. That is truly where it is supposed to be at anyway I think. As I dig further into social and justice issues I am finding my faith, my Jesus, my purpose becoming more defined, more difficult, more real. (More on this later. Some good books to challenge your view on what faith may look like.) This love is so different than the love of the world and so radical that it doesn't fit a description but here is my take on this struggle.
Faith Unknown
I don't deserve
What I've been given
He's changed my life
But how am I livin'
I say the things
You're supposed to say
But I don't live
My faith in that way
I'd like to change
And follow my sounds
I fail often
But His grace abounds
I'm on my knees
'Cause it's all so gray
When on my own
So I'll have to pray
Lord, take my life
And make it your own
Teach me the love
That only you've known
Faith Unknown
I don't deserve
What I've been given
He's changed my life
But how am I livin'
I say the things
You're supposed to say
But I don't live
My faith in that way
I'd like to change
And follow my sounds
I fail often
But His grace abounds
I'm on my knees
'Cause it's all so gray
When on my own
So I'll have to pray
Lord, take my life
And make it your own
Teach me the love
That only you've known
Wishes and Stars
This is kind of a cheesy one for me. I am constantly, sometimes obsessively, seeking guidance, a sign, a calling as to what God wants me to be or do. Sometimes it is very invigorating, sometimes quite frustrating, sometimes it bogs me down, sometimes it vaults me into action. There are days, probably too many, that I want the answers NOW and there are days that I love the journey along the way. I feel like I have been blessed with so many gifts but don't feel I've really used them to make the difference that I could. So I'll keep on the journey and search. There is no GPS to help but with my God, my friends, and my family I know I am getting closer to what I'm supposed to be.
Wishes and Stars
Wishes and dreams
Will they all come true
Or will I keep hoping
And just feel blue
Reach for the stars
Or shoot for the moon
What on earth I'm doing
Please tell me soon
Journeys begun
Which path do I take
Moons, stars, wishes and dreams
Which will I make
Wishes and Stars
Wishes and dreams
Will they all come true
Or will I keep hoping
And just feel blue
Reach for the stars
Or shoot for the moon
What on earth I'm doing
Please tell me soon
Journeys begun
Which path do I take
Moons, stars, wishes and dreams
Which will I make
True Friend
Wasn't planning on putting all these on tonight but I'm on a roll and what the heck, I have time. This next one was written for a good friend who was a para in my classroom. She became a good friend and confidant. Somewhere along the way things got messed up and our friendship fell apart. I missed her and what she brought to my classroom. It's a long story and really not one to share details on but we spent a year and a half without talking or communicating. I'm happy to say we have found forgiveness, grace, and healing in our friendship.Thanks be to God! It happened through tough circumstances but she is still a trusted friend and I believe I am that for her as well. We sometimes take for granted what our friends mean to us and how blessed we truly are. I have sometimes felt guilty about being so blessed with friends but it is with a grateful heart that I praise God for all those he has surrounded me with. AB it's good to have you back, may you continue to seek God's will and direction for your life and may He use me to help you along the way.
True Friend
A real, true friend is hard to find
One who listens and is kind
They take the time to show they care
And sometimes it's just being there
In my life I've had a hard time
To keep a friend that's so sublime
I always manage to build walls
A friendship then crumbles and falls
You no longer look in my eye
Or stop to say your radiant hi
I miss these subtle things you do
Friends like you are far too few
To say I'm sorry isn't enough
Actions unselfish can be tough
Forgive, move on is all my hope
I'll give you both sides of my rope
Promise I'll listen even more
And give you space from land to shore
So walls are broken down again
I then can be a real, true friend
True Friend
A real, true friend is hard to find
One who listens and is kind
They take the time to show they care
And sometimes it's just being there
In my life I've had a hard time
To keep a friend that's so sublime
I always manage to build walls
A friendship then crumbles and falls
You no longer look in my eye
Or stop to say your radiant hi
I miss these subtle things you do
Friends like you are far too few
To say I'm sorry isn't enough
Actions unselfish can be tough
Forgive, move on is all my hope
I'll give you both sides of my rope
Promise I'll listen even more
And give you space from land to shore
So walls are broken down again
I then can be a real, true friend
Misplaced Trust
This shorty is not one of my favorites in style any way. Another experimenting with poetry styles thing but I think it was a swing and a miss. Hey, got to share my bad stuff too if I'm truly transparent. This poem comes from my own struggles to deal with life's dilemmas with things of this world. It never works for me. When I lose my focus on my Creator I am truly lost. Happens way too often, I guess I am a slow learner. Trust is a tricky thing. I tend to fall on the side of trusting everyone instead of being a cautious person. This sometimes gets you burned but I think I have been blessed far more than burned by this blind trust. However, when I trust in the One who made me, it is truly amazing how much peace there is. So why do I fail to do this so often?
Misplaced Trust
Misplaced trust in cerebral things
Seeking answers
Acceptance
In values and people temporal
Found faith in communal things
Asking questions
Belonging
In Your love and in all eternal
Misplaced Trust
Misplaced trust in cerebral things
Seeking answers
Acceptance
In values and people temporal
Found faith in communal things
Asking questions
Belonging
In Your love and in all eternal
Flood My Soul
This a short one that was written when I was camping alone one weekend up by Grand Rapids. It started raining hard as I sat in the camper. I love thunderstorms and the sound of the rain on the camper. Can't explain the feeling but there is something powerful and yet soothing about it. I've been saying I'm peacefully conflicted and a thunderstorm in the camper may be the sound and feel of that. Doesn't matter where I am I love a thunderstorm. (In fact, I want to be a storm chaser.) There is something spiritual in all of it and I tried to capture that in this poem.
Flood My Soul
The rain pounds down
Will it float away my sin
Carry all my doubts
Sweep my fears away
Wash my muddy heart
Cleanse my cluttered mind
Spirit overflow me
Flood my soul with grace
The rain pounds down
I realize I wrote this also when I was experimenting with different styles of poetry. I sometimes get wordy with my poems and wanted to see if I could express my inner thoughts more concisely through poetry. I like this one and the flow of it. It captures my image, my faith struggles and walk quite well.
Flood My Soul
The rain pounds down
Will it float away my sin
Carry all my doubts
Sweep my fears away
Wash my muddy heart
Cleanse my cluttered mind
Spirit overflow me
Flood my soul with grace
The rain pounds down
I realize I wrote this also when I was experimenting with different styles of poetry. I sometimes get wordy with my poems and wanted to see if I could express my inner thoughts more concisely through poetry. I like this one and the flow of it. It captures my image, my faith struggles and walk quite well.
North Shore
Esther and I have gone to a place just south of Gooseberry for our anniversary for a number of years. (We missed this past year, my daughter insisted on me going to her graduation!) I love the North Shore. The sound of the waves pounding on the rocks is truly music to my ears. I have no desire to live on a lake full of boats, skiers, jet skis, etc. If I had a million dollars (hey maybe I could write a song about that, nah it would never work) I would buy a place on the North Shore. Now that is a lake! I wrote this while sitting on the balcony of our room overlooking Lake Superior a couple of years ago. My friend Ben Rossow took this and added a chorus and we performed a song he wrote using these lyrics at an open mic event at a restaurant in town. If I get a decent recording of it I'll post it here.
North Shore
An intimidating presence
White-capped waters are all around
Secrets beneath your murky depths
Yet peace for the soul is found
Cold waters on the rocky shore
As endless waves come dancing in
Constant song of wind and waves
Comforts me and cleanses my sin
Rugged shoreline, majestic trees
Lost in the vastness of this space
Endless horizon of sky and sea
Discovering forgiveness and grace
I'm encaptured by your beauty
Awestruck by your powerful ways
God's presence here is all around
I'm thankful for these North Shore days
Oh Ben's chorus goes like this:
From Duluth on to the Portage
What were you made for
Where did you come from
My beloved North Shore
North Shore
An intimidating presence
White-capped waters are all around
Secrets beneath your murky depths
Yet peace for the soul is found
Cold waters on the rocky shore
As endless waves come dancing in
Constant song of wind and waves
Comforts me and cleanses my sin
Rugged shoreline, majestic trees
Lost in the vastness of this space
Endless horizon of sky and sea
Discovering forgiveness and grace
I'm encaptured by your beauty
Awestruck by your powerful ways
God's presence here is all around
I'm thankful for these North Shore days
Oh Ben's chorus goes like this:
From Duluth on to the Portage
What were you made for
Where did you come from
My beloved North Shore
Disagree and Get Along
This one came to me as I listened to the campaigns going on the past year and to people at church. I'm constantly amazed at how I feel the need to be right and in taking that mode of operation I fail to listen and learn from all the amazing people I am surrounded by. One of my new year's resolutions is to sit back and listen, especially to those I disagree with. We have so much to learn from another and often I find that my disagreement is founded on misunderstanding. There always seems to be more we agree on than not and that is a foundation to build on for resolution and ideas. Still I believe as a society we have a problem with being able to disagree and knowing that it is okay.
Disagree and Get Along
Does it have to be a paradox
To disagree and get along
Why can't there be differences
Without it being taken wrong
Exclusion from something meaningful
Just because of different views
It borders on insanity
So why is this the path we choose
It is not a personal affront
To listen to dissonant thought
Or is it all too tolerant
To be challenged and maybe taught
Politician and a minister
Dispute the "facts" they freely spew
As if their words and not actions
Will help determine what is true
My own words disagree with myself
Why can't I live the words I write
To disagree and get along
Would give me vision more than sight
Disagree and Get Along
Does it have to be a paradox
To disagree and get along
Why can't there be differences
Without it being taken wrong
Exclusion from something meaningful
Just because of different views
It borders on insanity
So why is this the path we choose
It is not a personal affront
To listen to dissonant thought
Or is it all too tolerant
To be challenged and maybe taught
Politician and a minister
Dispute the "facts" they freely spew
As if their words and not actions
Will help determine what is true
My own words disagree with myself
Why can't I live the words I write
To disagree and get along
Would give me vision more than sight
Peace Within This Chaos
While this was written a while back...I have been thinking a great deal about peace, conflict, chaos both personally and in a global way. I would probably add to this poem or change it a bit to reflect on Christ's impact on that peace but I'll put the original version here for now.
Peace Within This Chaos
This world it is so crazy
No time to settle down
Homeless children
Fight a war
As our families break down
Where can I find some refuge
Some peace within this mess
The endless work
And no rest
When does all this madness end
I think I found my answer
Peace within this chaos
My daughters' hugs
My wife's smile
The friends I have been blessed with
Peace Within This Chaos
This world it is so crazy
No time to settle down
Homeless children
Fight a war
As our families break down
Where can I find some refuge
Some peace within this mess
The endless work
And no rest
When does all this madness end
I think I found my answer
Peace within this chaos
My daughters' hugs
My wife's smile
The friends I have been blessed with
I'm back
It's been a long break from blogging but I feel the need to share my thoughts again. I'm going to start with some poetry I've written over the years. I don't know if any of it is any good but it is a way for me to sort through my feelings and thoughts. So here goes...
My first poem...in some ways may be my best...I wrote it in a math class I was bored with when I went back to school for my education degree. It reflects what I was seeing as I did my teacher observation and assistant requirements at Forest City Elementary. It's a long one so hang on.
A Child's Chaos
In the midst of this chaos
Lies the lonely heart of a searching child,
Whose whole life is all but lost.
A life with so many questions and very little reason
Where have we gone wrong?
Is it the parents? Is it the school?
Is it the child? Is it society?
Does it matter who it is?
The question to be asked is,
"How can I help?"
A young boy that has a house
But the reality is he is homeless.
He feels the need to steal.
A life with no perceived value, only objects to take.
Where have we gone wrong?
Is it the divorce? Is it intelligence?
Is it "the system"? Is it our materialism?
Does it matter what it is?
The questions to be asked is,
"How can I help?"
A young girl who has no self-worth,
She feels so ugly and unloved.
She knows she is different.
A life with nothing in common with peers.
Where have we gone wrong?
Is it the television? Is it the magazines?
Is it her classmates? Is it me?
Does it matter who it is?
The questions to be asked is,
"How can I help?"
A class full of children,
Some are friends, some are strangers.
Each one with gifts, each one with faults.
A life filled with children who grow up too soon.
Have we really gone wrong?
Is it the gifts? Is it the faults?
Is it the child? Is it the adult?
Does it really matter?
HOW CAN I HELP?
In the midst of this chaos
Lies a heart full of love
A child searching for acceptance.
A life with so many questions and all the reason
For me to help....a child.
My first poem...in some ways may be my best...I wrote it in a math class I was bored with when I went back to school for my education degree. It reflects what I was seeing as I did my teacher observation and assistant requirements at Forest City Elementary. It's a long one so hang on.
A Child's Chaos
In the midst of this chaos
Lies the lonely heart of a searching child,
Whose whole life is all but lost.
A life with so many questions and very little reason
Where have we gone wrong?
Is it the parents? Is it the school?
Is it the child? Is it society?
Does it matter who it is?
The question to be asked is,
"How can I help?"
A young boy that has a house
But the reality is he is homeless.
He feels the need to steal.
A life with no perceived value, only objects to take.
Where have we gone wrong?
Is it the divorce? Is it intelligence?
Is it "the system"? Is it our materialism?
Does it matter what it is?
The questions to be asked is,
"How can I help?"
A young girl who has no self-worth,
She feels so ugly and unloved.
She knows she is different.
A life with nothing in common with peers.
Where have we gone wrong?
Is it the television? Is it the magazines?
Is it her classmates? Is it me?
Does it matter who it is?
The questions to be asked is,
"How can I help?"
A class full of children,
Some are friends, some are strangers.
Each one with gifts, each one with faults.
A life filled with children who grow up too soon.
Have we really gone wrong?
Is it the gifts? Is it the faults?
Is it the child? Is it the adult?
Does it really matter?
HOW CAN I HELP?
In the midst of this chaos
Lies a heart full of love
A child searching for acceptance.
A life with so many questions and all the reason
For me to help....a child.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Third Day Reflections - Pt. 1
I have had this one brewing for a couple of days. I was going to get political for a moment but instead have decided to share some reflections on some songs by my favorite group for the moment Third Day. They have been cranked in my car the past couple of days. I'm sure everyone on Hwy 65 thinks I'm nuts as I rock my way to school and home!
This round will focus on their album entitled "Wire". I like the style of music and the lead singer's voice a great deal. But mostly I appreciate and feel ministered to by the lyrical content of their songs. It is typical for Christian bands to focus on self as I guess it is for all of us. I appreciate that Third Day looks at our own inadequacies and then puts the focus on what God has done and how His grace and love is poured out on us even though we are undeserving.
In the song Innocent they really hit on the freedom that comes from grace and forgiveness. It was a pertinent song for me based on my own personal experiences and struggles the past couple of years. Here are the lyrics:
Innocent
It seemed like I had run out of second chances
And they sentenced me to die
And I was just like a dead man walking
I was running out of time
But you came to me and opened my eyes
You gave me a brand new life
I am innocent and I have been set free
I no longer have chains around my feet
And no matter where I go or what they say
I am innocent
Many years have passed since the day that I met you
But your words are still the same
And every time I find myself with joy or sadness
I am calling out your name
‘Cause you came to me and opened my eyes
You gave to me a brand new life
The bold, italicized chorus is what it is all about. Being free enough to live in that grace and forgiveness and not care about what others think or say. I must admit that while I know God has forgiven me for my multitude of shortcomings, I don't always take that to heart. Those chains around my feet keep me from being able to run with these gifts. My own selfishness and pride are the main stumbling blocks to being released from these chains. If we truly believe in this death, resurrection, forgiveness as we confess to in our faith then we are forgiven. No ifs, and or buts. It is done, I can't earn it, can't buy it, can't make it happen. It is, I am, and always will be. What a release, what freedom, what overwhelming joy that should bring!!!!
This round will focus on their album entitled "Wire". I like the style of music and the lead singer's voice a great deal. But mostly I appreciate and feel ministered to by the lyrical content of their songs. It is typical for Christian bands to focus on self as I guess it is for all of us. I appreciate that Third Day looks at our own inadequacies and then puts the focus on what God has done and how His grace and love is poured out on us even though we are undeserving.
In the song Innocent they really hit on the freedom that comes from grace and forgiveness. It was a pertinent song for me based on my own personal experiences and struggles the past couple of years. Here are the lyrics:
Innocent
It seemed like I had run out of second chances
And they sentenced me to die
And I was just like a dead man walking
I was running out of time
But you came to me and opened my eyes
You gave me a brand new life
I am innocent and I have been set free
I no longer have chains around my feet
And no matter where I go or what they say
I am innocent
Many years have passed since the day that I met you
But your words are still the same
And every time I find myself with joy or sadness
I am calling out your name
‘Cause you came to me and opened my eyes
You gave to me a brand new life
The bold, italicized chorus is what it is all about. Being free enough to live in that grace and forgiveness and not care about what others think or say. I must admit that while I know God has forgiven me for my multitude of shortcomings, I don't always take that to heart. Those chains around my feet keep me from being able to run with these gifts. My own selfishness and pride are the main stumbling blocks to being released from these chains. If we truly believe in this death, resurrection, forgiveness as we confess to in our faith then we are forgiven. No ifs, and or buts. It is done, I can't earn it, can't buy it, can't make it happen. It is, I am, and always will be. What a release, what freedom, what overwhelming joy that should bring!!!!
Gravel Guy
I had a bizarre and interesting day yesterday. I should say I had an interesting night after I left school yesterday. It started with a meeting about unemployment and displaced worker benefits. Not a meeting I ever expected to be invited to. It was interesting and I learned a lot about stuff I never hope to use.
On my trip home I was waved over by an old friend who wanted to chat about some difficult times in their life. So I was standing by the side of Hwy 65 giving a listening ear to a friend who had been estranged for strange reasons the past 2 yrs. Very odd but good to have some healing happen even if it was during a conflicted time for my friend.
Last, my wife called to let me know that Bob Roth had passed away. I consider Bob to be a friend even though we have probably shared all of 12 hours together in our lives. Bob owned a road construction company that was a family company. By some odd twists in life I became a very small part of that family. I will share with you the quickest version I can of how we connected and then spend much more time on why he is worth a blog. During my year off from teaching I took a position for a few months to train as an Investment Advisor in McGregor. Bob was a friend and worked on Dollars for Scholars with my boss. He would come into the office on occasion to discuss business for that organization. One day he needed help emailing pictures of some heavy duty equipment he was selling. So I helped him. He was "amazed" for some reason about my computer skills. Bob looked at me and said I should hire you to do this stuff for me. I jokingly answered back, you can't afford me Bob. Thinking this was all in good fun, I turned away to continue my computer work. When I looked back, Bob was staring at me and said, "How much?". I told him what I needed and he says that's what I was thinking. Well, nothing really came about from that although he was serious at the time. Jump ahead a few months and I'm at the Home Show in Mora and there is Bob and his son Brian. They stop me and tell me they were just talking about me. I ended up doing a few hours of computer work and meetings for them to help them apply for grants in bidding for Government construction jobs.
Bob welcomed me into his family without reservation or judgment at a time when I was feeling quite left out and lonely in the world. There were only a few times we got together but it was always as if I was an integral part of the business and that I belonged to his family. I am quite certain all of his employees felt the same way. I was fortunate to observe this at the Christmas party I was surprisingly invited to be a part of. Bob understood that you expect a lot from yourself and those who you worked with but you also gave a lot to help and support those very same people. If you were a part of this in any small way, you were completely a part of it, no matter how insignificant your role really was.
Bob was critically burned while welding on a fuel tank in his shop at his home. He passed away yesterday. This is as close a family as I have ever observed and I can't imagine the grief they are experiencing. He touched my life in a few short hours and showed me what loyalty is all about. Bob, if you can read this from heaven, I'm saving a grill for you and I'll be looking forward to that Friday supper we never got to have!
On my trip home I was waved over by an old friend who wanted to chat about some difficult times in their life. So I was standing by the side of Hwy 65 giving a listening ear to a friend who had been estranged for strange reasons the past 2 yrs. Very odd but good to have some healing happen even if it was during a conflicted time for my friend.
Last, my wife called to let me know that Bob Roth had passed away. I consider Bob to be a friend even though we have probably shared all of 12 hours together in our lives. Bob owned a road construction company that was a family company. By some odd twists in life I became a very small part of that family. I will share with you the quickest version I can of how we connected and then spend much more time on why he is worth a blog. During my year off from teaching I took a position for a few months to train as an Investment Advisor in McGregor. Bob was a friend and worked on Dollars for Scholars with my boss. He would come into the office on occasion to discuss business for that organization. One day he needed help emailing pictures of some heavy duty equipment he was selling. So I helped him. He was "amazed" for some reason about my computer skills. Bob looked at me and said I should hire you to do this stuff for me. I jokingly answered back, you can't afford me Bob. Thinking this was all in good fun, I turned away to continue my computer work. When I looked back, Bob was staring at me and said, "How much?". I told him what I needed and he says that's what I was thinking. Well, nothing really came about from that although he was serious at the time. Jump ahead a few months and I'm at the Home Show in Mora and there is Bob and his son Brian. They stop me and tell me they were just talking about me. I ended up doing a few hours of computer work and meetings for them to help them apply for grants in bidding for Government construction jobs.
Bob welcomed me into his family without reservation or judgment at a time when I was feeling quite left out and lonely in the world. There were only a few times we got together but it was always as if I was an integral part of the business and that I belonged to his family. I am quite certain all of his employees felt the same way. I was fortunate to observe this at the Christmas party I was surprisingly invited to be a part of. Bob understood that you expect a lot from yourself and those who you worked with but you also gave a lot to help and support those very same people. If you were a part of this in any small way, you were completely a part of it, no matter how insignificant your role really was.
Bob was critically burned while welding on a fuel tank in his shop at his home. He passed away yesterday. This is as close a family as I have ever observed and I can't imagine the grief they are experiencing. He touched my life in a few short hours and showed me what loyalty is all about. Bob, if you can read this from heaven, I'm saving a grill for you and I'll be looking forward to that Friday supper we never got to have!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Horses
This goes back a couple of weeks...but the whole Kentucky Derby thing struck a nerve with me. I was listening to KFAN, an all-sports radio station, on my commute home the day after the Derby and they were discussing the "tragic event" that happened when the horse was put down after breaking a couple of ankles at the end of the race. I am an animal lover but please, a tragic event, a catastrophe, disaster....sad, yes, too bad, okay I'll buy that but any of those other adjectives, I think not. This was being said and discussed as the people in Myanmar (Burma) were dealing with at what at the time was thought to be 10,000 dead from a typhoon. (This number got exponentially larger later on.) Now that is a tragic event, disaster, catastrophe and more. I am a big sports fan and an animal lover but let's have some perspective here. I cannot justify anything happening in sports to be more significant than the events of Myanmar or China or Iraq or the homeless of the world or AIDS crisis or on and on and on and on. Can a sports station discuss these things or can we have that conversation around our Starbucks coffee? Sure we can nothing wrong with that but let's keep our perspective on its real significance. I guess we can add this to the pet peeve list on this blog.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Baseball and People are Interesting Aren't They?
Baseball has long been a favorite of mine. There is something magical about the strategies and thoughts that go into each game that capture you. It has a certain "spirit" to it that cannot be described or defined with words. It transcends the words, moves beyond the game itself. Yes, it is just sports and there are certainly far more important topics to discuss in this world. I don't idolize or worship the sport. I can't say I even lose myself in the game to escape my reality. (In fact, I like my reality and see no need to escape.) I enjoy the game, especially with my friends and relatives who are somewhat passionate about the game. Rachel, my oldest, has become a fan and it is one of those wonderful father/daughter moments when we watch a game together. Nothing really has to be said, we just experience it together.
Not sure why I wrote this but one of my "baseball buds" commented on a blog below and I got thinking about how much I enjoy and look forward to our baseball trips. As time goes on and if this blog goes on, I have a feeling that baseball will be a topic again.
One of the fun parts of sitting in a ball park is people watching. Baseball brings together quite an eclectic group of people. It is quite interesting to watch people run the gamut of intensity and emotion during a game. Some take it as a life and death proposition while others see it as a nice social outing or a chance for a nice tan. (Unless you are in the dome of course.) There are those two extremes and everything in between. I'm sure most of us fit somewhere between but it is fun to see all ages, genders, races, and income levels fall into all these categories.
It is not just at the ball park that people are interesting...we had our Track and Field day on Wednesday this past week at school. My fellow blogger Neerdmans told me it was fascinating to study the parents at this event. He couldn't have been more spot on. You could find the same range of people at this event as you could any baseball game. There were the parents that were just thrilled to have a nice day to be with their child and it ranged all the way to those who thought their children were competing at the Beijing Olympics. Must admit I don't get all of that but interesting to observe. All in all, it was a great, fun day with perfect weather. I'm thankful I had the opportunity to participate in an Oxbow Track and Field Day.
Not sure why I wrote this but one of my "baseball buds" commented on a blog below and I got thinking about how much I enjoy and look forward to our baseball trips. As time goes on and if this blog goes on, I have a feeling that baseball will be a topic again.
One of the fun parts of sitting in a ball park is people watching. Baseball brings together quite an eclectic group of people. It is quite interesting to watch people run the gamut of intensity and emotion during a game. Some take it as a life and death proposition while others see it as a nice social outing or a chance for a nice tan. (Unless you are in the dome of course.) There are those two extremes and everything in between. I'm sure most of us fit somewhere between but it is fun to see all ages, genders, races, and income levels fall into all these categories.
It is not just at the ball park that people are interesting...we had our Track and Field day on Wednesday this past week at school. My fellow blogger Neerdmans told me it was fascinating to study the parents at this event. He couldn't have been more spot on. You could find the same range of people at this event as you could any baseball game. There were the parents that were just thrilled to have a nice day to be with their child and it ranged all the way to those who thought their children were competing at the Beijing Olympics. Must admit I don't get all of that but interesting to observe. All in all, it was a great, fun day with perfect weather. I'm thankful I had the opportunity to participate in an Oxbow Track and Field Day.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Doom & Gloom
Next to the real estate business I used to work with there is a variety store with an owner who has a great heart but the unique ability of always seeing what's wrong with the world. We affectionately nicknamed him Doom & Gloom. More and more there is conversation going on about what is wrong with our families, society, the world, etc. While most of these observations are true in my opinion, I struggle with this pessimistic view of people and life. The part that is intriguing is not the observations but the jump to the conclusion that the U.S., families, the world are a sinking ship. The question then becomes where do we jump. This struggle in my mind is partly because this seems to be an Old Testament mentality. The law, Sodom and Gomorrah, all those tales of God's wrath on the sinful communities of the time are the comparisons that come to mind during these conversations.
The struggle then becomes that this is a New Testament time. What really did the crucifixion and resurrection mean? Are our sins truly forgiven? What does it take for that to be true? How do we celebrate the grace so freely bestowed upon us without it becoming Bonhoeffer's cheap grace? I don't really know the answers to these questions. My faith takes me to a place of hope. (Although, my struggles with the job hunt and self-esteem, etc. may paint a different picture at times.) I do believe that there is far more good in our people, our schools, our society than we recognize. Media folks do a great job of focusing on and making money on the "doom & gloom" news of the world. It doesn't mean that the conversations and actions to change the areas that are not right in our world are wrong. Definitely not, these discussions and plans to ensure that we teach our young people how to live a respectful, responsible life are necessary and pertinent. However, I don't believe that God has left us or our hope behind. Maybe our new legislative policy should be "No family or world left behind!"
The struggle then becomes that this is a New Testament time. What really did the crucifixion and resurrection mean? Are our sins truly forgiven? What does it take for that to be true? How do we celebrate the grace so freely bestowed upon us without it becoming Bonhoeffer's cheap grace? I don't really know the answers to these questions. My faith takes me to a place of hope. (Although, my struggles with the job hunt and self-esteem, etc. may paint a different picture at times.) I do believe that there is far more good in our people, our schools, our society than we recognize. Media folks do a great job of focusing on and making money on the "doom & gloom" news of the world. It doesn't mean that the conversations and actions to change the areas that are not right in our world are wrong. Definitely not, these discussions and plans to ensure that we teach our young people how to live a respectful, responsible life are necessary and pertinent. However, I don't believe that God has left us or our hope behind. Maybe our new legislative policy should be "No family or world left behind!"
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Now I remember
Thanks to Neerdmans and his blog I remember what my random thought was.
There is a line in a Sheryl Crow song that says, "It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you have!" I like where that energy is directed. Being thankful for all that we are given and have as opposed to greedily wanting more as the media ingrains in our minds a thousand times a day. How does this connect to freedom? Isn't being thankful and content with what we have truly a freedom of the soul? Content? Yes, content. I believe there is a difference between contentment and satisfaction. To me contentment is being thankful and grateful for the gifts in life we are given. Being satisfied means we are done, there is nothing more to strive for and I never want to be satisfied. That may be a large fault of mine but I always want to continue to strive to make a difference for at least one person. I wish I was more content more often but I am finally seeing that my not being satisfied is not necessarily a bad thing.
As you can tell, music truly speaks to my soul. It's where I get lost in thought and challenged in ideas. I do enjoy reading but music seems to impact me in a more powerful way.
Hey, I have a dream of a powerful ministry which involves a Christian band. Anybody want to join the dream? I have mediocre singing and music abilities but a good heart!
There is a line in a Sheryl Crow song that says, "It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you have!" I like where that energy is directed. Being thankful for all that we are given and have as opposed to greedily wanting more as the media ingrains in our minds a thousand times a day. How does this connect to freedom? Isn't being thankful and content with what we have truly a freedom of the soul? Content? Yes, content. I believe there is a difference between contentment and satisfaction. To me contentment is being thankful and grateful for the gifts in life we are given. Being satisfied means we are done, there is nothing more to strive for and I never want to be satisfied. That may be a large fault of mine but I always want to continue to strive to make a difference for at least one person. I wish I was more content more often but I am finally seeing that my not being satisfied is not necessarily a bad thing.
As you can tell, music truly speaks to my soul. It's where I get lost in thought and challenged in ideas. I do enjoy reading but music seems to impact me in a more powerful way.
Hey, I have a dream of a powerful ministry which involves a Christian band. Anybody want to join the dream? I have mediocre singing and music abilities but a good heart!
Freedom cont., hypocritically conflicted, other stuff
A couple of thoughts on freedom....
If we are able to freely question and discuss freedom aren't we truly free in the political sense?
There seem to be two freedoms in my last blog, spiritual and political.
On the spiritual freedom, I was listening to Casting Crowns "Lifesong" CD on the way to school today and listened a couple of times to my favorite song on it called "Do you want to be free?" Here's the last few lines of this song:
Do want to be free?
Lift your chains I hold the key
All power of heaven and earth belong to Me
(And the best part the true kicker to all of this. Here is how it ends.)
You are free! You are free!
(Beware, hard driving rock & roll alert!)
There it is...all we need to know..it has already been gifted to us by His sacrifice and resurrection!
I find as I type these blogs I'm real good at talking the talk through these words but I suck at walking it. My term for this is hypocritically conflicted. I understand the right things to say and know to whom my heart belongs but my actions and spoken words don't always follow that path. Is it okay to have discourse on this and yet know you are a hypocrit in action. A constant struggle for sure and yes, I know, it is part of the human condition but it doesn't mean I have to like it. Reminds me of Keith Green song that says, "But nothing last except the grace of God!" Amen
I know I had other brilliant thoughts but they are gone now.
If we are able to freely question and discuss freedom aren't we truly free in the political sense?
There seem to be two freedoms in my last blog, spiritual and political.
On the spiritual freedom, I was listening to Casting Crowns "Lifesong" CD on the way to school today and listened a couple of times to my favorite song on it called "Do you want to be free?" Here's the last few lines of this song:
Do want to be free?
Lift your chains I hold the key
All power of heaven and earth belong to Me
(And the best part the true kicker to all of this. Here is how it ends.)
You are free! You are free!
(Beware, hard driving rock & roll alert!)
There it is...all we need to know..it has already been gifted to us by His sacrifice and resurrection!
I find as I type these blogs I'm real good at talking the talk through these words but I suck at walking it. My term for this is hypocritically conflicted. I understand the right things to say and know to whom my heart belongs but my actions and spoken words don't always follow that path. Is it okay to have discourse on this and yet know you are a hypocrit in action. A constant struggle for sure and yes, I know, it is part of the human condition but it doesn't mean I have to like it. Reminds me of Keith Green song that says, "But nothing last except the grace of God!" Amen
I know I had other brilliant thoughts but they are gone now.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Freedom
Just got home from the world's longest choir and band concert. It was very good but VERY long. Anyway, here goes a quick thought.
Freedom is a word that has been bantered about a lot with the war in Iraq, the Declaration of Independence on display at the History Center, and the daily news which covers some story that paints a lot of gray into what is freedom and what is encroachment on other's freedom. I certainly don't have many answers. Questions are easier to come up with here. My sense is that when we tie freedom to tangible and/or material things we miss the point. Freedom cannot be measured or given a monetary value. It is intrinsic and infinite in some ways I think. I don't know if we ever truly experience freedom. We are all bound by expectations that we put on ourselves and that our society places upon us. I was listening to an interview with a man who has studied the history of the Declaration of Independence. Very interesting to say the least. I want to study more about the trials and tribulations our founding fathers faced in making a declaration for our freedom. They literally had a bounty placed upon them by the King of Britain. It is hard to fathom risking your life for writing a document. They didn't have guns or knives to threaten the British with, no it was a pen but a mighty pen it was. Their words expressed what they envisioned true freedom being. It is interesting to me that in a state where we struggle with how to deal with documents that are "just pieces of paper" while dealing with the treaties with the Native Americans, we have no problem fully buying into the Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights, etc. Sorry I digressed there, just remember hearing someone complain about the treaty thing using the argument that it is just an old piece of paper. That is probably a topic for another day.
So freedom, we live in a country founded on that principle. However, I believe true freedom goes back long before 1776. Can we really experience freedom without the sacrifice that Christ made on the cross all those years ago? I don't think so. Of course, being human we may not truly ever experience TOTAL freedom. The paradox of my faith is that I must give up everything to experience that freedom. It is amazing how often I experience the most joy and peace in my life when I lift up my burdens and stresses to my maker. Those gifts that are dearest to me are true gifts which I fortunately had no control over, my wife, my daughters, etc. All gifts from above and keys to survival down below.
The discourse that happens while discussing our freedom in a country and citizenship frame of mind are all worth while. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to diminish the importance of those conversations. I'm just not sure we will ever have the answers. The Answer may have come in a far different place with a far different outcome.
Well this has turned out not to be brief. Sorry about that. Freedom....it equates with peace for me and peace is another intangible quality. Our perceptions of freedom and peace are, rightfully so, tied with the war in Iraq and other conflicts around the world. My personal freedom and peace has very little to do with those military actions however. It is directly related to my relationship with God. Sometimes I think we think too much about how to bring it about instead of relying on our instinct and heart.
Lord let me bring that sense of peace and freedom to the young people I am fortunate enough to teach each day. They desperately cry for that calm that comes from such examples.
It's late and I'm sure tomorrow morning this will all seem very disjointed and make no sense. I'll try and clarify when I'm more alert. Good night!
Freedom is a word that has been bantered about a lot with the war in Iraq, the Declaration of Independence on display at the History Center, and the daily news which covers some story that paints a lot of gray into what is freedom and what is encroachment on other's freedom. I certainly don't have many answers. Questions are easier to come up with here. My sense is that when we tie freedom to tangible and/or material things we miss the point. Freedom cannot be measured or given a monetary value. It is intrinsic and infinite in some ways I think. I don't know if we ever truly experience freedom. We are all bound by expectations that we put on ourselves and that our society places upon us. I was listening to an interview with a man who has studied the history of the Declaration of Independence. Very interesting to say the least. I want to study more about the trials and tribulations our founding fathers faced in making a declaration for our freedom. They literally had a bounty placed upon them by the King of Britain. It is hard to fathom risking your life for writing a document. They didn't have guns or knives to threaten the British with, no it was a pen but a mighty pen it was. Their words expressed what they envisioned true freedom being. It is interesting to me that in a state where we struggle with how to deal with documents that are "just pieces of paper" while dealing with the treaties with the Native Americans, we have no problem fully buying into the Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights, etc. Sorry I digressed there, just remember hearing someone complain about the treaty thing using the argument that it is just an old piece of paper. That is probably a topic for another day.
So freedom, we live in a country founded on that principle. However, I believe true freedom goes back long before 1776. Can we really experience freedom without the sacrifice that Christ made on the cross all those years ago? I don't think so. Of course, being human we may not truly ever experience TOTAL freedom. The paradox of my faith is that I must give up everything to experience that freedom. It is amazing how often I experience the most joy and peace in my life when I lift up my burdens and stresses to my maker. Those gifts that are dearest to me are true gifts which I fortunately had no control over, my wife, my daughters, etc. All gifts from above and keys to survival down below.
The discourse that happens while discussing our freedom in a country and citizenship frame of mind are all worth while. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to diminish the importance of those conversations. I'm just not sure we will ever have the answers. The Answer may have come in a far different place with a far different outcome.
Well this has turned out not to be brief. Sorry about that. Freedom....it equates with peace for me and peace is another intangible quality. Our perceptions of freedom and peace are, rightfully so, tied with the war in Iraq and other conflicts around the world. My personal freedom and peace has very little to do with those military actions however. It is directly related to my relationship with God. Sometimes I think we think too much about how to bring it about instead of relying on our instinct and heart.
Lord let me bring that sense of peace and freedom to the young people I am fortunate enough to teach each day. They desperately cry for that calm that comes from such examples.
It's late and I'm sure tomorrow morning this will all seem very disjointed and make no sense. I'll try and clarify when I'm more alert. Good night!
The Inaugural Blog
Well here goes nothin'! And odds are this will be a lot about nothing. Thanks to my friend Neil David, David Neil has decided to enter into the blogging fray. While I don't have nearly the brilliant thoughts or analytical mind of my friend...I can blab for a long time and cover almost nothing. This intro is a good indicator of that.
It is my hope to share questions, thoughts, observations from the daily joy ride of life. I don't pretend to have all the answers or even any of the answers but lots of questions and thoughts. I also have a few pet peeves that I need to cleanse myself of along the way also. Feel free to share your thoughts, agree or disagree, I can handle it.
My first pet peeve goes out to the cigarette smokers of the world. On my commute each day I lose count of how many cigarette butts get thrown at me (well, not at me) during my drive. This act of littering and disrespect for our planet drives me insane for some reason. I can't pinpoint why it is such a big frustration for me but it is. Same with the butt flickers on the sidewalk, etc. Friday as I was leaving school I saw a parent flick away on the sidewalk coming into school. Please, I beg of all of you, find a trash can. I'm not going to argue the merits of whether you should or shouldn't have the right to smoke. I'm a big believer in freedoms but why is it so difficult to treat your cig trash as trash. Okay, got that out of my system.
As I typed that I realized that some of the thousands of people who will be reading this...(sarcasm)...may not know who I am or my background. I will do a little bio at some point here.
Since we just finished celebrating Mother's Day...I gotta tell you about my wife. She is hands down the best Mom that God has graced this planet with. It would take many a blog to share all of her attributes. Thank God my two daughters have her to guide them, mold them, be compassionate to them, not to mention fix their meals, wash their clothes, and work on all the creative projects that go on endlessly in our home. Esther, thank you for your humble, compassionate soul and for sharing yourself and your amazing talents with me!
Neil David has been sharing much about ego based on a book by Eckard Tolle. We have shared that many of our issues as a society stem from the presence and power of ego. I haven't read the book yet but the discussions are interesting. I must admit that it is very humbling as I realize that my ego has been a big stumbling block for myself. As I face the daunting task of job hunting again this year, it is apparent I need to remove my own ego and selfish wants and succumb to what God is calling and WILL provide for me and my family. Others who were also cut are interviewing this week and I am sincerely excited for their opportunities while also finding myself in a "funk" of self-pity because I have not been called. How easy it is for me to forget who is in charge or better yet WHOM is in charge. While I try and control things to work my way I forget how every time in my life God has provided, guided, and opened doors of opportunity. I need to give it up. My ego, the job concerns, my family concerns, my life...give it up, let it go, trust in the One who died and rose for me and all those around me. I know the right words to say, the discipline to take action or maybe more importantly not take action is the tough part for me.
Thanks for "listening" here. Hey Neil, this blogging thing is quite cathartic. Thanks!
Endo
It is my hope to share questions, thoughts, observations from the daily joy ride of life. I don't pretend to have all the answers or even any of the answers but lots of questions and thoughts. I also have a few pet peeves that I need to cleanse myself of along the way also. Feel free to share your thoughts, agree or disagree, I can handle it.
My first pet peeve goes out to the cigarette smokers of the world. On my commute each day I lose count of how many cigarette butts get thrown at me (well, not at me) during my drive. This act of littering and disrespect for our planet drives me insane for some reason. I can't pinpoint why it is such a big frustration for me but it is. Same with the butt flickers on the sidewalk, etc. Friday as I was leaving school I saw a parent flick away on the sidewalk coming into school. Please, I beg of all of you, find a trash can. I'm not going to argue the merits of whether you should or shouldn't have the right to smoke. I'm a big believer in freedoms but why is it so difficult to treat your cig trash as trash. Okay, got that out of my system.
As I typed that I realized that some of the thousands of people who will be reading this...(sarcasm)...may not know who I am or my background. I will do a little bio at some point here.
Since we just finished celebrating Mother's Day...I gotta tell you about my wife. She is hands down the best Mom that God has graced this planet with. It would take many a blog to share all of her attributes. Thank God my two daughters have her to guide them, mold them, be compassionate to them, not to mention fix their meals, wash their clothes, and work on all the creative projects that go on endlessly in our home. Esther, thank you for your humble, compassionate soul and for sharing yourself and your amazing talents with me!
Neil David has been sharing much about ego based on a book by Eckard Tolle. We have shared that many of our issues as a society stem from the presence and power of ego. I haven't read the book yet but the discussions are interesting. I must admit that it is very humbling as I realize that my ego has been a big stumbling block for myself. As I face the daunting task of job hunting again this year, it is apparent I need to remove my own ego and selfish wants and succumb to what God is calling and WILL provide for me and my family. Others who were also cut are interviewing this week and I am sincerely excited for their opportunities while also finding myself in a "funk" of self-pity because I have not been called. How easy it is for me to forget who is in charge or better yet WHOM is in charge. While I try and control things to work my way I forget how every time in my life God has provided, guided, and opened doors of opportunity. I need to give it up. My ego, the job concerns, my family concerns, my life...give it up, let it go, trust in the One who died and rose for me and all those around me. I know the right words to say, the discipline to take action or maybe more importantly not take action is the tough part for me.
Thanks for "listening" here. Hey Neil, this blogging thing is quite cathartic. Thanks!
Endo
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