Saturday, November 19, 2011

Life

It's been awhile since I last blogged and as I looked back at my last post in May it was entitled "Perspective" I believe. I shared how a youn,g girl, in my school at the time, had brought me a healthy dose of perspective. Well tonight it is my 91 year old grandmother who brings perspective from the other side of life.

Grandmother is waiting for the angels to call as she lies in her room in the Hospice House in Hutchinson, KS. It is dark in here tonight as I sit beside her bed thinking about all that life has been for her and what I want it to be for me and those I love. She has endured plenty, loved much and been an important part of many lives.

Having been in the hospital room to see the birth of our two daughters I have experienced first hand the indescribable joy of new life. Now I sit, listen, watch and wonder which breath will be her last. The indescribable pain of loss is just as powerful an emotion as the joy that new life brought forth. However, there is a strange dichotomy of feelings as I can celebrate a 91 year old life that was packed with so much as well as feel the anticipation of loss. I'm not sure what that means to be honest but I am thankful there is much to celebrate along with the knowledge there is impending tears and sadness.

When our father passed away a couple of years ago it was truly a blessing to see how our family put away any petty differences we had and just were there for each other. However we needed to be, we were, without judgment, without thought, just here I am, I need you, I love you, you are an important part of who I am and will always be. I sense that happening again today and tonight. A family that is spread all over the world suddenly comes together just to comfort, pray and feel the connection we sometimes overlook and take for granted. Now is a time where it is felt to the inner core of our soul. We are connected and what a beautiful blessing that is.

I've been thinking about that word beautiful lately...it is sometimes overused in our media and perhaps by each of us. What a beautiful _____. You fill in the blank. But it is taking on new meaning for me. For me beauty is not an exterior thing, it is not bought or seen on the surface, no it is an intangible, immeasurable quality that comes from deep inside. You see it, feel it in a person's soul when looking into their eyes. A friend of my grandmother's stopped by the Hospice House today and described her as beautiful and she was not talking about her appearance but her soul. She was so right. The beauty of beautiful, if you will, is that it overcomes the quirks, dysfunctions and warts of our outer being and shines forth without flaw.

I am surrounded by beauty in my life and today has reminded me I need to slow down and take in all that is beautiful. Tonight it is my grandmother, as emaciated as she is physically, there is beauty. By the overabundant grace of God I pray that His beauty may overcome my deficiencies and there are many. Through all this perspective talk I have been shown that no matter where we are at in our journey through life, whether it be as a young child or an elder waiting for the angel's call, God is with us always and forever. There is much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving season. May each of you be touched by the beauty in those around you and overwhelmed by the beautiful grace of Emmanuel.