Survival In the Midst of Chaos

The past few weeks have brought a perspective that has weighed heavy on my mind and heart. This blog will be part vent and part educational commentary. We have been buried with school initiatives this year and the staff is really burned out on all the change that has been happening not just this year but in the past few years. While we have been very successful in implementing these changes sometimes the stories of life bring a dimension that is hard to handle. Teaching and each job that supports education in a school is hard enough when life outside of school is going well. It becomes incredibly difficult when we have to deal with real life stressors on top of being great educators.

I have had some tough, heart-to-hearts with a few staff members this past month or so. Marriage issues, death or illnesses in the family, personal illness and so much more has come through my door during this time. We have dealt with cancer, divorce, house fires, death of parents and then you add in the stories we hear from our students. Just today I received word of a student who used their money for clothes to pay the electric bill at home and they await being evicted. Another student wants to have a fundraiser for their own family so they are not evicted. One student had their dad abandon the family, another is in a protective custody situation to hide from an abusive father and the list goes on and on.

Lying at this point would be fruitless, this has all beat me up to a point. I love my job and the people I work with each day. However, after dealing with MDE, investing time and energy into the referendum, helping everyone work through the changes - it gets to be overwhelming to work through all that as well as what life brings to those around me. I don't mean this to make me out to be some kind of martyr.

No, what has really hit me lately is how the expectations on schools/teachers are so high in this day and age of accountability. It seems our brilliant legislators have decided to go against all the research on best practices in education and go to high stakes testing, the narrowing of curriculum and take away the creative genius that lies within the teachers and students within our schools. We are held accountable for all and that is fine but we cannot hold the powers that be to the same level of accountability. There is an unsaid message that we should just teach and ignore all that was written in the first paragraphs. It seems that best practices are only required in the classroom and is not required for those who determine what education should be from a legislative point of view.

I'm sorry but working with people and their life situations is what life is all about. Whether these 3rd graders can pass a test on one specific day in math and reading really becomes irrelevant and lacking of importance when those same children are wondering if they will have a meal, a home or a parent at home when the day is done. Seriously, as much as I value education, I can't pretend that on any particular day or moment that the standards are more important. Everyday I am blessed to see that these incredible souls who dedicate their lives to education have made a significant difference in so many lives.

I pray that I never become jaded enough to not see or feel the hurt that exists in so many people each day in a school. I also pray that I will never overlook all the celebrations that should happen every day we come together. You see, I value all that education brings and adds to a life, I don't even disagree with the standards and expectations but I also believe strongly that it is about people and not test results.

I can't deny that I sometimes wonder if I'm really impacting lives the way I think I should. I wonder if I am using God's gifts He has freely given me to make the difference I desire. I wonder if this calling is where I can change the world and I really do feel called to change the world. I don't mean that in an egotistical way but you see I believe that all of us can change the world and I wonder if I am doing it to the extent that I can. I am grateful that all these people feel comfortable enough to come in and have those closed door conversations, shed those tears and seek support from my little old office but I wonder if there is more.

This may seem kind of a downer blog but I really didn't intend it to be solely that. Reflective, yes, venting, yes, but more of a challenge and a chance to share my thoughts. I will continue to work hard, care greatly and compassionately give for the students and staff I have the privilege of being with each day. And I will continue to wonder....