Lately, I've decided I need to take time to listen. I am a visual learner and a very visual person in general. I think most of my colleagues would define me as perceptive because of my visual dexterity (if there is such a thing). This gift is what got me through college the first time (it certainly wasn't my study habits) as I could remember what was on a chalkboard (yes this dates me I know) from the class. I'm thankful for this gift but have found the last couple of weeks that I need to take time to listen.
I am also a person who processes ideas and thoughts out loud many times. I need to talk it out and hear it before I can put it into a well-thought out idea. I'm used to talking or singing out loud to help me work through things. But the time has come to shut up and listen.
There have been some situations in my life lately that have required me taking the time to listen. In these circumstances I certainly have wanted to grab others and share my side of the story, the rest of the story if you will. I wanted others to know for some reason but the reality is it wasn't an action that would fix anything or make anyone feel better. It wasn't going to be done out of love but out of selfishness. In fact if I had talked more it would make these situations worse in many ways. So I have learned and experienced that I needed to take time to simply listen.
During this time of the year around our house the swamps are full of frogs. In the evening there is a cacophony of sound that is deafening as you walk around our land. I love it. The other night, the stars were filling the sky and this incredible rock concert volume of natural sounds surrounded the evening air. It was powerful and yet peaceful at the same time. While going for my walks each day I've enjoyed hearing the sounds of the geese, ducks, robins, red-winged blackbirds and so many other varieties of wild life. I have also taken time to listen closer to my music. Closer to the music and the lyrics to really hear the message, feel the message as I listened.
Along with being more mindful of all that nature and music have to listen to, I've tried to be a better listener with friends and family. Less interruptions, less finishing others thoughts but truly just listening. I am surrounded by so many wise and wonderful people and I needed to and have been spending more time soaking it all in and learning. I have also consciously decided to take time to just be by myself and listen. This has at times been lonely I won't lie. As I'm driving home there are many times I wanted to grab my phone and talk with a friend about different things but decided I would just listen. This has been a real time of growth for me and I have come to cherish that time to listen.
I have a professional decision to make in the next week and a half. Now I am very thankful that I do have a job for next year and have many friends who don't have that security. But I do have a decision to make. There are a number of personal and professional factors involved in this decision and I was getting a bit stressed over it based on these factors. Finally, I listened. I need to listen to God's call. The correct choice for me, and I'm thankful I have a choice, is going to be revealed to me not by my own worrying or talking, but by what I am called to be. So I am taking time to listen to God. This decision needs to be one where I listen and don't force or talk my way through it.
My other situations are no different. I need to listen, to my God, my Creator, my Peacemaker and let Him be a reconciler, healer and guide. If I do it myself with my words then it will certainly fail.
I have to tell you this period of time of listening has been incredibly powerful. It has refocused me and put my focus and visions in the proper place. Not everything has been answered and sometimes there is noise that gets in the way. I have become a believer in listening and need to continue to take time to grow in this way. I am thankful for the visual gifts but God has called me to make a difference and I can only be what I am called to be if I am perceptive AND listen.
My challenge to you this week, take time to just listen. Don't talk over it, through it or let anything interfere, just listen. Last piece here is another lyric from Third Day. I think all of this we are talking about with listening really comes down to just being yourself and letting God do His work with you by listening and then responding to that call.
THIS IS WHO I AM - THIRD DAY
I'm a son of a good man
I'm the child of an angel
I'm the brother of a wild one
And I'm looking for direction
I'm the lover of a beauty
I'm the father of blessings
I'm a singer of a love song
But is that all I'm good for
This is who I am
This is who I am
So take me and make me something so much more
This is who I am
This is who I am
So change me and make me someone better than before
I'm a saint and a sinner
I'm a lover and a fighter
I'm a true believer, with great desire
I'm a preacher of grace, prophet of love, teacher of truth
I've fallen down so many times
But here I stand in front of you
Take me as I am
But please don't leave me that way
'Cause I know that you can make me better than I am today
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Really Random Good Stuff
This will be really random today but I have a number of tidbits, if you will, that are screaming to be let out. I have had two great days this week and so much that has had meaning along the way. Thoughts from others that were impactful (yeah, I made that word up) and reflections that hit home for me will be shared in this rather dysfunctional collection of thoughts.
Part 1: I have to start with some writings from Esther's (my wife) cousin Tim. Before I share those I have to share how Tim and I connected. I have probably met Tim once or twice in person. We have stayed connected via the wonderful world wide web. I believe our first meeting was at Esti's sister's wedding. For those who know me well, you know that I abhor going to large social events. I just really don't like large social gatherings of any sort, including weddings. (Sorry Mark and Heidi, love you guys but I didn't want to go to your wedding.) For those who don't know me that is probably surprising. I just prefer small, intimate gatherings. Anyway, I digress. So I went to this wedding begrudgingly and had just a pis poor attitude about it. Well, to make a long story short, Tim and his brother and Esther's brother and myself hit it off in a rather, large obnoxious way. I don't know if I have ever laughed as hard for as long as I did that weekend. We were entertaining to say the least and probably borderline for admittance into the mental health ward. So that is how I met Tim and here is what Tim shared after my last blog about hope and the poem on the Beacon of Hope:
For somewhere, out there, beyond the rocks, yet beyond our reach or understanding is the shore. And the shore will bring (or seems to for me anyway) a grounding, a renewed sense of peace, that builds us up. Up to face the the next challenge, as we move on, ever forward, ever a part of building the kingdom. Truly a part, although we may not see or understand it for a long, long time. Stay the course! People see your path, and appreciate it!
I hate it when people write it better than I do..ha...isn't that powerful?! I love it! He captured it so much better than I did. I honestly don't know if my blogs or poems have meaning for anyone other than me. It is cathartic for me to write this stuff but I don't have a clue whether it is any good or has any real power to it but I appreciate Tim's input and support for this endeavor. After some back and forth emails Tim finished with these words of wisdom that are well worth sharing:
We tackle what we can, pray for help\wisdom\guidance, laugh a LOT, and look for how we can help others.
That is it in a nutshell for me. Thanks Tim!
Part 2: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. - Marianne Williamson
I've used this quote before but had lost my focus on it until recently. It is so powerful and really describes my struggles and my hopes. Lately, I've been focusing on filling out applications for principal and assistant principal positions. As I was on my walk tonight it dawned on me that this is the perfect answer to the question that asks why I want to be a principal. Isn't this what we want to happen for our children, for our friends, or as a principal for the teachers, students, everyone who is a part of the educational community. Really, who are you not to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous. Oh how easily I lose sight of this in my own life. That fear of being powerful beyond measure is so real. Bringing those expectations upon ourselves can be downright scary. What if we fail to be that? The reality is if we believe we will fail, we will fail. But if we believe that we are to be all of that, wow, what an impact on our world.
So, as I said the past two days have been really good. I have had the opportunity to have some meaningful impact with teachers and students in the schools that I serve. It has been gratifying and energizing to feel like my gifts have been used to make a difference as cliche' as that sounds. In the midst of some of the chaos and uncertainty that exists in our schools there was a feeling of accomplishment and knowing that we have students who are worth all of our efforts regardless of circumstances. It has been really powerful to be able to help others see what a gift they are whether they are secure in their jobs or not. They have significant work to do for young people who are worth them using every ounce of their brilliance and talent on and that is true, positive power. The power that Marianne Williamson talks about. I've been preaching about hope in my last few blogs and I have really been experiencing it as I was working and at home. We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same has been so true this week.
Part 3: On a personal note, and I'm not a big fan of personal notes but I'll go out on a limb. Part of my good week has been feeling as physically healthy as I have felt in a month or more. After a weekend of feeling as sick as I can ever remember feeling, it is so fun to feel energetic and alive again. I have lost 10 lbs in a week and now only have 20 more to go to reach my goal and get my girlish figure back, which I haven't seen since who knows when. I've been exercising regularly and eating fairly well, well since I went a few days without any meals when I was sick.
Along with that, I have to tell you that I really believe for the first time since I began pursuing a principal's license a few years ago, that I really feel ready. I believe that I am going to get something for this fall. I know it probably won't be in my current district but I do believe there will be opportunities that will be a fit and that my belief in all those things in that quote above will put me in a position to get hired. Now the beauty of it for me is if this doesn't happen, I am okay with that. I love what I'm doing and God willing will have the opportunity to work with these wonderful co-workers again. There was a time when I was desperate for an administrative job and I really would take it hard when it didn't happen but now, I'm very much at peace professionally. Along those lines, I came into one of my schools this afternoon and there was an envelope in my mailbox. In that envelope was a letter of recommendation from the Social Worker in that building. Totally, unsolicited and a most gracious letter. He wanted people to know that he thinks I should be a principal. I was blown away. I don't usually like sharing these things but I have been so deep and dark on this blog that I wanted people to see this side of me. Thanks Jerry! You have no idea how meaningful your actions were today.
Speaking of co-workers, a couple of them have listened and counseled me a number of times when I've had some struggles and questions with myself. Which is pretty much 24/7. They both are very wise and are wonderfully frank and honest with me. I love it, I really do. Both mentioned the need for me to take care of myself FIRST. I don't do this well and not sure I believe in it but I get what they are saying. If I'm not healthy, happy, beautiful, brilliant and fabulous how can I really have the impact God has given me the gifts to have. That being said, I have discovered again for the 1,000th time, that my most content, peaceful moments are when I'm caring for others, building others up, focusing on others' needs. Thanks to you Kristina and Michelle for your honesty, time and caring. You do make a difference.
Part 4: Okay, this is the last part as this blog is already a marathon. I feel very hypocritical when I blog, especially about faith issues. You see it is much easier to write or sing about it than it is to live it. Who am I to write about these things when I do such a poor job of living it? I hate hypocrits but I find myself being just that. I hope the two or three people who read this understand that I don't share as an expert or a person with all the answers. Far from it, I have far more questions and so much more to learn before I am an expert. It struck me as I was walking tonight that actually we are all hypocrits to a degree who profess a faith of any sort. None of us live up to that which we profess. We are human, sinners, and the reason for our faith, our God is so that we have that forgiveness, grace, mercy poured upon us to move forward.
I have had a great week but there are many around me that are hurting, uncertain, searching. I have relationships that still need healing, answers to questions that are still missing, and areas of life that still need prayer and peace. There will be down days ahead, days that aren't as hopeful as I'd want all to experience daily. I don't have all the answers and certainly don't follow my own words of wisdom (?) well but there is hope in all this and I have experienced it again through so many others this week.
Part 1: I have to start with some writings from Esther's (my wife) cousin Tim. Before I share those I have to share how Tim and I connected. I have probably met Tim once or twice in person. We have stayed connected via the wonderful world wide web. I believe our first meeting was at Esti's sister's wedding. For those who know me well, you know that I abhor going to large social events. I just really don't like large social gatherings of any sort, including weddings. (Sorry Mark and Heidi, love you guys but I didn't want to go to your wedding.) For those who don't know me that is probably surprising. I just prefer small, intimate gatherings. Anyway, I digress. So I went to this wedding begrudgingly and had just a pis poor attitude about it. Well, to make a long story short, Tim and his brother and Esther's brother and myself hit it off in a rather, large obnoxious way. I don't know if I have ever laughed as hard for as long as I did that weekend. We were entertaining to say the least and probably borderline for admittance into the mental health ward. So that is how I met Tim and here is what Tim shared after my last blog about hope and the poem on the Beacon of Hope:
For somewhere, out there, beyond the rocks, yet beyond our reach or understanding is the shore. And the shore will bring (or seems to for me anyway) a grounding, a renewed sense of peace, that builds us up. Up to face the the next challenge, as we move on, ever forward, ever a part of building the kingdom. Truly a part, although we may not see or understand it for a long, long time. Stay the course! People see your path, and appreciate it!
I hate it when people write it better than I do..ha...isn't that powerful?! I love it! He captured it so much better than I did. I honestly don't know if my blogs or poems have meaning for anyone other than me. It is cathartic for me to write this stuff but I don't have a clue whether it is any good or has any real power to it but I appreciate Tim's input and support for this endeavor. After some back and forth emails Tim finished with these words of wisdom that are well worth sharing:
We tackle what we can, pray for help\wisdom\guidance, laugh a LOT, and look for how we can help others.
That is it in a nutshell for me. Thanks Tim!
Part 2: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. - Marianne Williamson
I've used this quote before but had lost my focus on it until recently. It is so powerful and really describes my struggles and my hopes. Lately, I've been focusing on filling out applications for principal and assistant principal positions. As I was on my walk tonight it dawned on me that this is the perfect answer to the question that asks why I want to be a principal. Isn't this what we want to happen for our children, for our friends, or as a principal for the teachers, students, everyone who is a part of the educational community. Really, who are you not to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous. Oh how easily I lose sight of this in my own life. That fear of being powerful beyond measure is so real. Bringing those expectations upon ourselves can be downright scary. What if we fail to be that? The reality is if we believe we will fail, we will fail. But if we believe that we are to be all of that, wow, what an impact on our world.
So, as I said the past two days have been really good. I have had the opportunity to have some meaningful impact with teachers and students in the schools that I serve. It has been gratifying and energizing to feel like my gifts have been used to make a difference as cliche' as that sounds. In the midst of some of the chaos and uncertainty that exists in our schools there was a feeling of accomplishment and knowing that we have students who are worth all of our efforts regardless of circumstances. It has been really powerful to be able to help others see what a gift they are whether they are secure in their jobs or not. They have significant work to do for young people who are worth them using every ounce of their brilliance and talent on and that is true, positive power. The power that Marianne Williamson talks about. I've been preaching about hope in my last few blogs and I have really been experiencing it as I was working and at home. We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same has been so true this week.
Part 3: On a personal note, and I'm not a big fan of personal notes but I'll go out on a limb. Part of my good week has been feeling as physically healthy as I have felt in a month or more. After a weekend of feeling as sick as I can ever remember feeling, it is so fun to feel energetic and alive again. I have lost 10 lbs in a week and now only have 20 more to go to reach my goal and get my girlish figure back, which I haven't seen since who knows when. I've been exercising regularly and eating fairly well, well since I went a few days without any meals when I was sick.
Along with that, I have to tell you that I really believe for the first time since I began pursuing a principal's license a few years ago, that I really feel ready. I believe that I am going to get something for this fall. I know it probably won't be in my current district but I do believe there will be opportunities that will be a fit and that my belief in all those things in that quote above will put me in a position to get hired. Now the beauty of it for me is if this doesn't happen, I am okay with that. I love what I'm doing and God willing will have the opportunity to work with these wonderful co-workers again. There was a time when I was desperate for an administrative job and I really would take it hard when it didn't happen but now, I'm very much at peace professionally. Along those lines, I came into one of my schools this afternoon and there was an envelope in my mailbox. In that envelope was a letter of recommendation from the Social Worker in that building. Totally, unsolicited and a most gracious letter. He wanted people to know that he thinks I should be a principal. I was blown away. I don't usually like sharing these things but I have been so deep and dark on this blog that I wanted people to see this side of me. Thanks Jerry! You have no idea how meaningful your actions were today.
Speaking of co-workers, a couple of them have listened and counseled me a number of times when I've had some struggles and questions with myself. Which is pretty much 24/7. They both are very wise and are wonderfully frank and honest with me. I love it, I really do. Both mentioned the need for me to take care of myself FIRST. I don't do this well and not sure I believe in it but I get what they are saying. If I'm not healthy, happy, beautiful, brilliant and fabulous how can I really have the impact God has given me the gifts to have. That being said, I have discovered again for the 1,000th time, that my most content, peaceful moments are when I'm caring for others, building others up, focusing on others' needs. Thanks to you Kristina and Michelle for your honesty, time and caring. You do make a difference.
Part 4: Okay, this is the last part as this blog is already a marathon. I feel very hypocritical when I blog, especially about faith issues. You see it is much easier to write or sing about it than it is to live it. Who am I to write about these things when I do such a poor job of living it? I hate hypocrits but I find myself being just that. I hope the two or three people who read this understand that I don't share as an expert or a person with all the answers. Far from it, I have far more questions and so much more to learn before I am an expert. It struck me as I was walking tonight that actually we are all hypocrits to a degree who profess a faith of any sort. None of us live up to that which we profess. We are human, sinners, and the reason for our faith, our God is so that we have that forgiveness, grace, mercy poured upon us to move forward.
I have had a great week but there are many around me that are hurting, uncertain, searching. I have relationships that still need healing, answers to questions that are still missing, and areas of life that still need prayer and peace. There will be down days ahead, days that aren't as hopeful as I'd want all to experience daily. I don't have all the answers and certainly don't follow my own words of wisdom (?) well but there is hope in all this and I have experienced it again through so many others this week.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Beacon of Hope
As I was pondering my last blog on hope, a vision of being up at the North Shore, out on the big lake, lost in the fog. What once seemed hopeless soon became hopeful as the dim light of a lighthouse brought the promise of life. It became an analogy for me for what God has promised to us even in times that seem so bleak. So I wrote this poem, kind of one of those poems that may have more meaning for me as I see it in my mind and relate to it well. Not sure if it will connect with others as well.
Beacon of Hope
The fog is all around
No sign of peace in sight
Turbulent waters crash
Tirelessly pounding down
Hold on in this turmoil
Hope is a distant thought
Vaguely in the distance
A dim reflection seen
Straining eyes to focus
Calming seas steady me
The Lighthouse of Life shines
A Beacon of Hope Reigns
Beacon of Hope
The fog is all around
No sign of peace in sight
Turbulent waters crash
Tirelessly pounding down
Hold on in this turmoil
Hope is a distant thought
Vaguely in the distance
A dim reflection seen
Straining eyes to focus
Calming seas steady me
The Lighthouse of Life shines
A Beacon of Hope Reigns
Hope is All That's Left
I won't lie, this past week was extremely long, emotionally and physically draining. A number of my teaching friends/colleagues found out they would not have jobs next year. They face a very uncertain future in a job market that can only be described as bleak for many and that includes education. This bothered me, really brought me down as I see these wonderful people and great teachers trying to struggle with the unknown.
I looked into the tear-filled eyes of a dear friend only to find out that I was at least a part of the reason for the sad eyes and hurt. A friendship that I cherish is riding through turbulent waters and it hurts. Something I can't control now and can't fix and that is troubling.
I was as sick as I've been for years. Went three days without a meal and if you know me and how I like to eat, you know something wasn't right. (Great start to the new diet though and I've lost 8 lbs this week! A little silver lining there I guess.) I don't handle sick and being out of commission well and I spent too much time sleeping and dealing with other bodily functions.
All of that was plenty to put me in a funk and then this morning we were heading to Palm Sunday Service at church. I again have to be honest, I don't usually like Palm Sunday for some reason. It seems like we trivialize Jesus' journey and make it into some type of ticker-tape parade. The reality is this was a journey into excruciating pain, disciples turning their backs on the man they proclaimed to believe was Christ, a ruler trying to be right and told by the crowd to ignore what he saw as right and crucify this man. This was a trip on a donkey to death. A most painful, unjust, but life-changing, world-changing death.
So I went into this service with many doubts and just a bad attitude. Well God loves a challenge evidently as this worship was truly powerful. We traveled with Jesus through this journey to the cross in a very powerful way. One of the talented men sang Were You There first with harp and piano, then just harp, and the final time without accompaniment. It was moving to say the least. The story came to life, the reality of what it all means was very present. I left understanding the pain of the sacrifice to come but also with the hope of what Easter means.
I took a Lenten journey this week. The pain was evident all around me. Hurt could be seen in so many eyes. (I use the term sad eyes for my friend and today after church a friend saw me and said that I had sad eyes today. Kind of blew me away that someone that sees me maybe once a week and doesn't know me that well could see that and would use that exact terminology.) I had to wonder what was there to cling to? What can I do to make a difference with this hurt? Where can I go to find that hope because for many, hope is all that is left and even that is questionable.
I found some of that hope in a couple of places today. As my daughter Emma leaned into me at church and placed her head on my shoulder and looked in my eyes, I saw hope. The beauty of all that is right was reflected in those eyes and her knowing smile. A friend/colleague whom I have the utmost respect for was reflecting with me on some things and wrote, "I'm sorry you have lost a friendship, but I trust that honestly, God's plan is a perfect one and it will all work out in time and in His way." Wow, that is hope and she is spot on with that. The worship service today talked of a painful journey but pointed us directly to a cross that will soon be empty. Taking on all my sin and all my pain and bringing a promise of never-ending love, forgiveness, grace and mercy. I have started going for walks down our wonderful, quiet, tree-lined road in front of our house and saw God's beauty and hope in so many places. Serenity even. As I was walking I was listening to my long lost i-Pod Shuffle that has a lot of music from my favorite group Third Day on it. I could post a bunch of song lyrics here. I have done a few long ago on my blog. Every time I would think yeah this is it, I'll post this and then another would come up and I'd go no this one. I'll leave you with one of my favorites when I'm done here. There were so many songs that touched upon my search for that hope. It was really an inspirational walk.
So, yes, sometimes hope is all that's left but I think that can be enough. I don't have a lot of answers, still have some sad eyes, still hurt for those going through tough times and for severed friendships but I have a God, a Savior, a Christ who suffered, died, rose again for me, for you, and loves us no matter, forgives us no matter, pours His grace and mercy upon us no matter, and that is hope and hope is all that's left no matter.
This song has ministered to me in times when I have really struggled. Really speaks of where our hope comes from.
"Mountain Of God" by Third Day
Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
And I didn't even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
'Til You opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I couldn't ever make it
Without You
Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God
As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again
Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from
And the things I've left behind
But of all I've had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what's in front of me
With what's in front of me
I looked into the tear-filled eyes of a dear friend only to find out that I was at least a part of the reason for the sad eyes and hurt. A friendship that I cherish is riding through turbulent waters and it hurts. Something I can't control now and can't fix and that is troubling.
I was as sick as I've been for years. Went three days without a meal and if you know me and how I like to eat, you know something wasn't right. (Great start to the new diet though and I've lost 8 lbs this week! A little silver lining there I guess.) I don't handle sick and being out of commission well and I spent too much time sleeping and dealing with other bodily functions.
All of that was plenty to put me in a funk and then this morning we were heading to Palm Sunday Service at church. I again have to be honest, I don't usually like Palm Sunday for some reason. It seems like we trivialize Jesus' journey and make it into some type of ticker-tape parade. The reality is this was a journey into excruciating pain, disciples turning their backs on the man they proclaimed to believe was Christ, a ruler trying to be right and told by the crowd to ignore what he saw as right and crucify this man. This was a trip on a donkey to death. A most painful, unjust, but life-changing, world-changing death.
So I went into this service with many doubts and just a bad attitude. Well God loves a challenge evidently as this worship was truly powerful. We traveled with Jesus through this journey to the cross in a very powerful way. One of the talented men sang Were You There first with harp and piano, then just harp, and the final time without accompaniment. It was moving to say the least. The story came to life, the reality of what it all means was very present. I left understanding the pain of the sacrifice to come but also with the hope of what Easter means.
I took a Lenten journey this week. The pain was evident all around me. Hurt could be seen in so many eyes. (I use the term sad eyes for my friend and today after church a friend saw me and said that I had sad eyes today. Kind of blew me away that someone that sees me maybe once a week and doesn't know me that well could see that and would use that exact terminology.) I had to wonder what was there to cling to? What can I do to make a difference with this hurt? Where can I go to find that hope because for many, hope is all that is left and even that is questionable.
I found some of that hope in a couple of places today. As my daughter Emma leaned into me at church and placed her head on my shoulder and looked in my eyes, I saw hope. The beauty of all that is right was reflected in those eyes and her knowing smile. A friend/colleague whom I have the utmost respect for was reflecting with me on some things and wrote, "I'm sorry you have lost a friendship, but I trust that honestly, God's plan is a perfect one and it will all work out in time and in His way." Wow, that is hope and she is spot on with that. The worship service today talked of a painful journey but pointed us directly to a cross that will soon be empty. Taking on all my sin and all my pain and bringing a promise of never-ending love, forgiveness, grace and mercy. I have started going for walks down our wonderful, quiet, tree-lined road in front of our house and saw God's beauty and hope in so many places. Serenity even. As I was walking I was listening to my long lost i-Pod Shuffle that has a lot of music from my favorite group Third Day on it. I could post a bunch of song lyrics here. I have done a few long ago on my blog. Every time I would think yeah this is it, I'll post this and then another would come up and I'd go no this one. I'll leave you with one of my favorites when I'm done here. There were so many songs that touched upon my search for that hope. It was really an inspirational walk.
So, yes, sometimes hope is all that's left but I think that can be enough. I don't have a lot of answers, still have some sad eyes, still hurt for those going through tough times and for severed friendships but I have a God, a Savior, a Christ who suffered, died, rose again for me, for you, and loves us no matter, forgives us no matter, pours His grace and mercy upon us no matter, and that is hope and hope is all that's left no matter.
This song has ministered to me in times when I have really struggled. Really speaks of where our hope comes from.
"Mountain Of God" by Third Day
Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
And I didn't even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
'Til You opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I couldn't ever make it
Without You
Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God
As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again
Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from
And the things I've left behind
But of all I've had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what's in front of me
With what's in front of me
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