Overwhelmed by trying to do it all
The world it seems so big and yet I feel so small
Immobilized not knowing where to start
Wondering if I have the gifts to do my part
So focused on my selfish wants and needs
Or trying to impress by doing some good deeds
Lost within the work and tasks life demands
In the midst of this chaos without praying hands
Becoming someone that I don't desire
Sarcastic, cutting doing nothing to inspire
Focus on the negative and the wrong
Instead of all the beauty within each one's song
I seek your grace, forgiveness this day
Lord help me live your love in all I do and say
Remove all of my doubt, unrest and fear
Look into my child's eyes and feel your presence here
Take this hardened heart and make my sin fade
All creation shows us the promises you made
Empty cross and tomb will be upon us soon
Resurrect my spirit and shine like the full moon
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Forgiveness
This morning I awoke to a fresh coat of white snow covering the ground and roads. While I am not a winter fan and am quite honestly very tired of it by now, the painting this snow created was quite beautiful. The dingy, dirty, crusty snow that was present the day before had now been covered up by this pristine snowfall. However, underneath this snow was a slick layer of ice. All this beauty was simply covering up the ugliness of the old snow and ice beneath. As I was driving through this mixture of the clean, dirty and dangerous the idea of forgiveness and my inability to do it or accept it well came to mind.
It dawned on me that this new snow was simply covering up the ugly underneath. I think, for myself at least and what I observe from others, that this is what happens for us with forgiveness. We say we forgive others, we say we want to be forgiven, we say we accept forgiveness but the reality is that the forgiveness is only on the surface, it doesn't really penetrate into our hearts and souls. Perhaps it is just human nature but forgiveness is a difficult act to fully accept and give.
Forgiveness takes on many facets...we ask forgiveness of others, we are asked to forgive others, for some of us we ask our Lord for forgiveness and then forgiving ourselves. Some of these are easier to do than others but they all are hard to truly let permeate who we are and how we feel about ourselves or others. I wish I knew why or how to change that for myself. Oh don't get me wrong, I've got the white snow on top with the problem still underneath part down. I just know that there are pieces of forgiving that I am not good at and if I truly want to move on and be the person that I have been called to be I must find a way or a power that allows that to happen.
My biggest challenge in the art of forgiveness is the forgiving myself part. I find this lack of personal forgiveness is a major obstacle to caring for, loving and forgiving others. I forget that true forgiveness doesn't come from me but in my mind it comes from my higher power. If I am made in the image of God and am a child of His then forgiveness for my failures must come from Him. We can all do that surface forgiveness thing. I believe that to really experience the power of forgiveness that changes you, showers grace upon you and transforms relationships it has to come from God. We or at least I cannot do it myself and have it really mean anything more than a covering up like the snow today.
One of the lessons in church this past Sunday came from 1 Corinthians. Most of us know the verse about what love is and is not. I want to focus on what love is not. (I don't usually focus on the negative side but it hit me in church how these were effecting my actions towards others.)
It is not jealous,
love does not boast,
it is not inflated.
It is not discourteous,
it is not selfish,
it is not irritable,
it does not enumerate the evil.
It does not rejoice over the wrong, but rejoices in the truth
When I do a checklist of these "nots" I find that my actions the last couple of weeks reflect too many of them. Jealous - check, discourteous - check, selfish - check, irritable - check. Lots of "nots" and I realized that these actions were preventing me from being a gracious, forgiving person that I would like to see myself as.
So I have decided to challenge myself to take care of these "nots" as best I can and when I can't to seek forgiveness, accept forgiveness and be forgiving. If as a society we all try to live this way I believe we will dramatically impact our world in a powerful way. When we take the "nots" away and turn them to forgiveness we can work towards understanding. This has to be a better way to live.
It dawned on me that this new snow was simply covering up the ugly underneath. I think, for myself at least and what I observe from others, that this is what happens for us with forgiveness. We say we forgive others, we say we want to be forgiven, we say we accept forgiveness but the reality is that the forgiveness is only on the surface, it doesn't really penetrate into our hearts and souls. Perhaps it is just human nature but forgiveness is a difficult act to fully accept and give.
Forgiveness takes on many facets...we ask forgiveness of others, we are asked to forgive others, for some of us we ask our Lord for forgiveness and then forgiving ourselves. Some of these are easier to do than others but they all are hard to truly let permeate who we are and how we feel about ourselves or others. I wish I knew why or how to change that for myself. Oh don't get me wrong, I've got the white snow on top with the problem still underneath part down. I just know that there are pieces of forgiving that I am not good at and if I truly want to move on and be the person that I have been called to be I must find a way or a power that allows that to happen.
My biggest challenge in the art of forgiveness is the forgiving myself part. I find this lack of personal forgiveness is a major obstacle to caring for, loving and forgiving others. I forget that true forgiveness doesn't come from me but in my mind it comes from my higher power. If I am made in the image of God and am a child of His then forgiveness for my failures must come from Him. We can all do that surface forgiveness thing. I believe that to really experience the power of forgiveness that changes you, showers grace upon you and transforms relationships it has to come from God. We or at least I cannot do it myself and have it really mean anything more than a covering up like the snow today.
One of the lessons in church this past Sunday came from 1 Corinthians. Most of us know the verse about what love is and is not. I want to focus on what love is not. (I don't usually focus on the negative side but it hit me in church how these were effecting my actions towards others.)
It is not jealous,
love does not boast,
it is not inflated.
It is not discourteous,
it is not selfish,
it is not irritable,
it does not enumerate the evil.
It does not rejoice over the wrong, but rejoices in the truth
When I do a checklist of these "nots" I find that my actions the last couple of weeks reflect too many of them. Jealous - check, discourteous - check, selfish - check, irritable - check. Lots of "nots" and I realized that these actions were preventing me from being a gracious, forgiving person that I would like to see myself as.
So I have decided to challenge myself to take care of these "nots" as best I can and when I can't to seek forgiveness, accept forgiveness and be forgiving. If as a society we all try to live this way I believe we will dramatically impact our world in a powerful way. When we take the "nots" away and turn them to forgiveness we can work towards understanding. This has to be a better way to live.
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