I've been pondering passion and compassion lately. It dawned on me that many people have passion or passions that bring out the strongest of emotions and sometimes actions. Maybe all of us have passions that we pursue through study or recreation or hobbies or volunteerism. I have mine, too many for sure and they are ever changing. My thought on this was that passion without compassion can be quite dangerous.
Why would I say that? If we look globally we could say that many of the fanatical, militant religious groups have passion. I don't think there is any denying that the degree of their passion is deep, to the point of giving their lives for their cause. Al Qaeda is a group of people who have passion but not compassion. I think there are many groups of people or individuals we can think of who have passion but not compassion. I would argue that they are maybe our most dangerous entities in our society.
What about people that have both? Martin Luther King, Jr. was the first person who came to mind. His passion for civil rights and the beauty of all peoples was evident in all he said and did. Imagine if his passion for these rights came without compassion. Instead of the power and beauty of non-violent protest it would have undoubtedly been replaced with a hatred and violence we maybe have never experienced. In fact, within that same era could we not say that the KKK operated with the passion but not the compassion and yet King's vision and compassionate approach to protest was far more powerful, meaningful and history changing. When I think about the people who have truly impacted our world in powerful, long-lasting ways in my lifetime, they are models of people with passion and compassion. Gandhi, Mother Teresa, and MLK were people with a passion but a heart of compassion to go along with that passion.
Even when we look at issues that become passionate in their polarization of peoples we can see the impact of people who are passionate with and without compassion. Abortion is an issue that becomes quite emotional but regardless of which side you are on it seems that those who share their passion on the issue but do it with compassion for all involved in those decisions have the greatest impact. Those who deal with it without the compassion end up doing more damage literally and figuratively for their cause or passion.
So I'm sure you get the point now but how does this impact us personally. I think we can bring it down to how we treat others and how we react to our passions. When I reflect on those times when I have struggled the most or not handled situations well, it can usually be traced back to the times that I handled my passion in a selfish way, without compassion for others involved. The times when I have felt most impactful and I guess closest to what I believe God called me to be were when I looked through the lens of the others involved and compassionately put myself in their shoes. Wisdom and understanding guided my actions and words then.
I'm going to try and be more intentionally compassionate within my passion areas. (Not sure how you do that with BBQ but I'll figure something out!) I have had many opportunities in the past few weeks to do this and I'm afraid I've failed miserably on too many occasions. What if we all moved to a compassionate mindset? Imagine the impact we would have on those around us. Now I don't want you to think I am against passion, far from it, my passions guide me and bring me to new journeys and adventures that provide me opportunities to grow and positively impact those around me. However, if I do not pursue those passions with compassion then that passion becomes a liability.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Simply Thankful
This will be short and sweet today but I have had so many beautiful friends show their support and love after the last blog that I had to stop for a moment and give thanks. Many a tear of joy has been shed while I have read your wonderful comments. You know the past few weeks I have felt alone and was questioning the support and friendships at work in particular. I certainly have been reminded how many people are really the friends everyone should have the opportunity to experience. A friendship that brought a lot of this on and was going through a struggle is now moving forward and reconciliation and healing that was prayed for is happening. And so I simply tell all of you...
THANK YOU! I AM ABUNDANTLY BLESSED AND PRAY THAT I GIVE AT LEAST A LITTLE OF THESE BLESSINGS BACK TO YOU.
THANK YOU! I AM ABUNDANTLY BLESSED AND PRAY THAT I GIVE AT LEAST A LITTLE OF THESE BLESSINGS BACK TO YOU.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Entitlement and Grace
As I have reflected on the past couple of days the word entitlement has come to mind. It unfortunately or maybe fortunately is a word that is quite humbling for me now. Friday I found out that I was not hired back to be an instructional coach for next year. (I do have a job as a 3rd grade teacher and I am very thankful for that.) This decision hit me hard. I was hurt, angry, confused and felt I had been wronged. I believe that I have done a good job this year, not a great job, but a good job and had support from principals and teachers to build this belief from. So when I was informed that I was not chosen it was a shock and something I had not prepared myself for. I had a gut feeling that this would happen but still had a belief that I was entitled to that job. There is plenty more background to this process but really it is not important. You have enough for me to move on to the crux of this message.
I have read a number of articles the past couple of years speaking to the generation of 20 and 30 yr old folks who have this sense of entitlement. I must say I have experienced that and I guess had a feeling that I was above that. How wrong I have found that to be now. You see I reacted in anger feeling I was entitled to this job. Yes, there are pieces about it that puzzle me because I've never received feedback indicating that I was doing anything wrong or was not effectively doing my job. So I felt that I was entitled to this job. Last night it dawned on me that I was wrong to feel that way. Maybe, just maybe, they hired someone who is better qualified than I am for this position. Maybe this is not where I am called to be and how I deal with it will be more important than the position I have. I get to trade the dreaded endless meetings of the coaching world for the dreaded correcting of papers of the teaching world but I get to be with kids and how can that be bad? I am not usually someone who builds himself up, in fact it is usually the opposite and I am tearing myself down. I am a competitive person however and not liking to lose brought out the worst for me.
You see my sense of entitlement created a situation where I was not able to handle this in a positive way at the time. I am human and there is still some hurt and a level of uncomfortableness/embarrassment within my workplace but I must see it in a different light. This sense of entitlement is also an indication of a lack of trust in the fact that God has a plan for me. I get the opportunity to work with a principal who I have heard is wonderful to work with and learn a new grade level. I do love learning new things so that works well. I am very grateful that I have that opportunity as I have friends who do not. I recently completed my principal's license and will continue to search for a leadership opportunity.
I'm not usually the share a Bible verse type on this blog but my favorite verse came to mind today. Romans 8:28 - God makes all things work together for good,for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. I know that there is a plan and that I have been blessed with gifts that can and will make a difference especially for young people. It is a passion of mine. Oh, I wish that calling would be more clear on days like Friday and I wish I was wired differently so that it didn't seem so personal but that is not the case. This is who I am and I have finally learned to stop apologizing for that fact. So I ask for your prayers that I continue to grow through this and gain discernment as to what His plan may be. As usual perspective is everything and I was reminded right away of the pain and suffering others are going through. My plights are nothing in the big picture. His grace has been abundant and for that I am very thankful. May God's peace be a part of your day and week.
I have read a number of articles the past couple of years speaking to the generation of 20 and 30 yr old folks who have this sense of entitlement. I must say I have experienced that and I guess had a feeling that I was above that. How wrong I have found that to be now. You see I reacted in anger feeling I was entitled to this job. Yes, there are pieces about it that puzzle me because I've never received feedback indicating that I was doing anything wrong or was not effectively doing my job. So I felt that I was entitled to this job. Last night it dawned on me that I was wrong to feel that way. Maybe, just maybe, they hired someone who is better qualified than I am for this position. Maybe this is not where I am called to be and how I deal with it will be more important than the position I have. I get to trade the dreaded endless meetings of the coaching world for the dreaded correcting of papers of the teaching world but I get to be with kids and how can that be bad? I am not usually someone who builds himself up, in fact it is usually the opposite and I am tearing myself down. I am a competitive person however and not liking to lose brought out the worst for me.
You see my sense of entitlement created a situation where I was not able to handle this in a positive way at the time. I am human and there is still some hurt and a level of uncomfortableness/embarrassment within my workplace but I must see it in a different light. This sense of entitlement is also an indication of a lack of trust in the fact that God has a plan for me. I get the opportunity to work with a principal who I have heard is wonderful to work with and learn a new grade level. I do love learning new things so that works well. I am very grateful that I have that opportunity as I have friends who do not. I recently completed my principal's license and will continue to search for a leadership opportunity.
I'm not usually the share a Bible verse type on this blog but my favorite verse came to mind today. Romans 8:28 - God makes all things work together for good,for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. I know that there is a plan and that I have been blessed with gifts that can and will make a difference especially for young people. It is a passion of mine. Oh, I wish that calling would be more clear on days like Friday and I wish I was wired differently so that it didn't seem so personal but that is not the case. This is who I am and I have finally learned to stop apologizing for that fact. So I ask for your prayers that I continue to grow through this and gain discernment as to what His plan may be. As usual perspective is everything and I was reminded right away of the pain and suffering others are going through. My plights are nothing in the big picture. His grace has been abundant and for that I am very thankful. May God's peace be a part of your day and week.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
A Random Smattering of Thoughts
This will truly be a random smattering thoughts. Hopefully something here will connect with your inner soul or maybe it will be well...just a random smattering of thoughts.
Blessings
I started this week perseverating (my new favorite word) on the craziness of the situation that is my job. It was bothering me and I found myself bogged down in the ridiculous pieces that exist there. Now, there is reason to be confused, frustrated, uncomfortable, etc. but I was letting it dominate my demeanor and attitude. While driving to work on Tuesday I decided I needed to change my focus and started listing my blessings. I actually started listing the blessings on a piece of paper. Physical evidence of all I have to be thankful about and let me tell you there is much to be rejoicing over. What was truly amazing was the difference it made for my day and week. It changed my whole week. The focus was on all that was good around me and I was showered with even more blessings. Perhaps we all need to take a step back from time to time and just physically acknowledge all we have to be thankful for. When you are having one of those days or weeks give it a try. We all have those moments.
Forgiveness Pt. 2
While chatting with a friend about some things she shared this, "I feel like I am being judged. Also I feel lately my ghosts in my closet are telling me I am not worthy of church. Yes, that's wrong I know. I can't even begin to go there, forgiveness is hard to grant to myself." I have to say I have had those same feelings at different times in life and maybe still do struggle with the being judged and not forgiving myself stuff.
Anyway, here is my response and I think it sums up the forgiveness part much better than my blog a week or two ago:
That all makes sense, actually. I have some of that going on also. This old fart isn't judging you and feels you are very worthy. Those who feel that others are not worthy are the ones who aren't. The beauty of forgiveness is it doesn't come from us, it comes from God. We suck at it. Now I know we have to reach a point in our lives where we accept that forgiveness. I think the two toughest parts of forgiveness are being able to forgive others and being able to accept forgiveness. The easy part is asking for forgiveness in my mind. I believe our friendship is a great example of doing all the hard stuff in forgiveness.
It's tough to get rid of those ghosts isn't it? I wish I had the magic answer for that. I don't know if this helps or eases the pain or forgiveness but please know my view of you is as unconditional as I can humanly be. I don't want you perfect and certainly can't be judging anyone with my own ghosts. Doesn't make you or me a bad person, makes us human and real which is exactly the people Jesus hung with. You are fully accepted and loved by me just as you are, warts and all.
Okay, I'm done. Just want you to know that no matter, you have someone.
I think, at least in words, that is the best I can explain my view of grace and forgiveness.
Woo Hoo!
On Friday I had my exit interview for my principal's license. It went exceptionally well and I am very excited and relieved to be done. This has been a long 4 year journey for me. Thousands of others have gone before me and it's not like I cured cancer but because of all the trials along this journey this was extra special for me. Who knows if it will actually lead to an administrative position but at least I have a chance and I am going to do all I can to help it happen God willing. Thanks to Esther and the girls for putting up with me and supporting me throughout all this. Three years ago I was out of education and ready to give up and now I'm as passionate and excited as I've ever been about the power of education and the opportunity to someday be a leader of a building where that is the purpose of its existence.
The Do Something Walk - A Walk to Make a Difference for the Homeless
I don't have all the details worked out yet but from July 17-27 I am going to walk across the state of Minnesota to raise money and awareness for homelessness. This is in response to a challenge put forth by one of the young people in our youth group at church. We were chatting about homelessness and this young lady stepped up and said, "Are we just going to talk about it or are going to do something about?" So we started doing something about it, we started a coffeehouse where we are raising money and goods for a homeless shelter and food pantry. Now the youth group is heading out for a mission trip/youth gathering trip to New Orleans during the same days of this walk and I decided I needed to step up and do something.
There are approximately 9,000 homeless in Minnesota any given night and approximately 3,000 of those are kids. The literacy rates are alarming amongst those folks and it is my hope to tie in the fundraising to providing some funding for tutoring and mentors for the education piece. I am still working with a couple of agencies to get it all set up and have a website for people to donate to. I'll give you the details when I have them. Meanwhile, please pray that it will all come together and that I can make it! If you are not the praying type then do what you can to send good karma or good luck or best wishes or whatever it is you think I need. Also give thanks that I have a wife who didn't look at me like I was crazy when I mentioned this idea. (Yes I get the you're crazy look plenty of other times.) I have received a lot of positive feedback about this and I'm honestly very excited about it. It combines many of my passions: homeless, walking, music, education, and exploring. I admit I've had dreams of the scene from Forest Gump where he is running across the country and thousands end up joining him along the way but then I remember how much I hate large groups and it turns into a nightmare so I'm looking forward to the alone time! More later, please pray!
Blessings
I started this week perseverating (my new favorite word) on the craziness of the situation that is my job. It was bothering me and I found myself bogged down in the ridiculous pieces that exist there. Now, there is reason to be confused, frustrated, uncomfortable, etc. but I was letting it dominate my demeanor and attitude. While driving to work on Tuesday I decided I needed to change my focus and started listing my blessings. I actually started listing the blessings on a piece of paper. Physical evidence of all I have to be thankful about and let me tell you there is much to be rejoicing over. What was truly amazing was the difference it made for my day and week. It changed my whole week. The focus was on all that was good around me and I was showered with even more blessings. Perhaps we all need to take a step back from time to time and just physically acknowledge all we have to be thankful for. When you are having one of those days or weeks give it a try. We all have those moments.
Forgiveness Pt. 2
While chatting with a friend about some things she shared this, "I feel like I am being judged. Also I feel lately my ghosts in my closet are telling me I am not worthy of church. Yes, that's wrong I know. I can't even begin to go there, forgiveness is hard to grant to myself." I have to say I have had those same feelings at different times in life and maybe still do struggle with the being judged and not forgiving myself stuff.
Anyway, here is my response and I think it sums up the forgiveness part much better than my blog a week or two ago:
That all makes sense, actually. I have some of that going on also. This old fart isn't judging you and feels you are very worthy. Those who feel that others are not worthy are the ones who aren't. The beauty of forgiveness is it doesn't come from us, it comes from God. We suck at it. Now I know we have to reach a point in our lives where we accept that forgiveness. I think the two toughest parts of forgiveness are being able to forgive others and being able to accept forgiveness. The easy part is asking for forgiveness in my mind. I believe our friendship is a great example of doing all the hard stuff in forgiveness.
It's tough to get rid of those ghosts isn't it? I wish I had the magic answer for that. I don't know if this helps or eases the pain or forgiveness but please know my view of you is as unconditional as I can humanly be. I don't want you perfect and certainly can't be judging anyone with my own ghosts. Doesn't make you or me a bad person, makes us human and real which is exactly the people Jesus hung with. You are fully accepted and loved by me just as you are, warts and all.
Okay, I'm done. Just want you to know that no matter, you have someone.
I think, at least in words, that is the best I can explain my view of grace and forgiveness.
Woo Hoo!
On Friday I had my exit interview for my principal's license. It went exceptionally well and I am very excited and relieved to be done. This has been a long 4 year journey for me. Thousands of others have gone before me and it's not like I cured cancer but because of all the trials along this journey this was extra special for me. Who knows if it will actually lead to an administrative position but at least I have a chance and I am going to do all I can to help it happen God willing. Thanks to Esther and the girls for putting up with me and supporting me throughout all this. Three years ago I was out of education and ready to give up and now I'm as passionate and excited as I've ever been about the power of education and the opportunity to someday be a leader of a building where that is the purpose of its existence.
The Do Something Walk - A Walk to Make a Difference for the Homeless
I don't have all the details worked out yet but from July 17-27 I am going to walk across the state of Minnesota to raise money and awareness for homelessness. This is in response to a challenge put forth by one of the young people in our youth group at church. We were chatting about homelessness and this young lady stepped up and said, "Are we just going to talk about it or are going to do something about?" So we started doing something about it, we started a coffeehouse where we are raising money and goods for a homeless shelter and food pantry. Now the youth group is heading out for a mission trip/youth gathering trip to New Orleans during the same days of this walk and I decided I needed to step up and do something.
There are approximately 9,000 homeless in Minnesota any given night and approximately 3,000 of those are kids. The literacy rates are alarming amongst those folks and it is my hope to tie in the fundraising to providing some funding for tutoring and mentors for the education piece. I am still working with a couple of agencies to get it all set up and have a website for people to donate to. I'll give you the details when I have them. Meanwhile, please pray that it will all come together and that I can make it! If you are not the praying type then do what you can to send good karma or good luck or best wishes or whatever it is you think I need. Also give thanks that I have a wife who didn't look at me like I was crazy when I mentioned this idea. (Yes I get the you're crazy look plenty of other times.) I have received a lot of positive feedback about this and I'm honestly very excited about it. It combines many of my passions: homeless, walking, music, education, and exploring. I admit I've had dreams of the scene from Forest Gump where he is running across the country and thousands end up joining him along the way but then I remember how much I hate large groups and it turns into a nightmare so I'm looking forward to the alone time! More later, please pray!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Trust it Will Not Fade
I wrote this poem the past couple of days. I have been listening and reading many comments from friends who are quite concerned about our world and fear it is all going to hell. They are worried about our government and disagree with the lack of religious beliefs being reflected in policies and legislation. I don't want this to become a political debate really. This is more reflection on the paradox of wanting faith to be reflected in our political realm but not really wanting faith to impact our personal realm. I don't necessarily agree with my friends on their politics but that is okay. I have no problem having discourse on the issues that exist and maybe having to agree to disagree. That's healthy in my mind. I don't have all the answers and don't understand it all. I also don't want to discount the concerns that exist in our society and world. They are very real and need our actions and prayers. I hope this at least gets you to think, question, wonder, pray. My personal growth area is to move beyond words to action. I'm pretty damn good with words but without action, really what is it worth. We seem to forget that Easter and all its promises are still here. Yes, concern for others and the world around is valid but we must never forget that our God is bigger than all of this. Not sure about the title but I'll go with it anyway. If you have suggestions or comments I'd love to hear them.
Trust it Will Not Fade
The plights are all around us
Doubters still preside
Many reasons to wonder
How far will we slide?
Hear the religious question
They all look for blame
Excuses for no action
Heads all hung in shame
To recognize the problems
Is just fine and good
Without answers or solutions
Couldn't, can't be could
Look to laws to legislate
Long as it's not me
Don't put my faith in action
Laws can set me free
Limit God is all we do
Promises He made
His plan it is still perfect
Trust it will not fade
Trust it Will Not Fade
The plights are all around us
Doubters still preside
Many reasons to wonder
How far will we slide?
Hear the religious question
They all look for blame
Excuses for no action
Heads all hung in shame
To recognize the problems
Is just fine and good
Without answers or solutions
Couldn't, can't be could
Look to laws to legislate
Long as it's not me
Don't put my faith in action
Laws can set me free
Limit God is all we do
Promises He made
His plan it is still perfect
Trust it will not fade
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Walking Music - 5/02/09
I am going to start a new segment of the Dysfunctional Guy Blog and that is putting a video or two of the songs that really resonated with me on my walks. I'll have to practice with this but hopefully I'll get it down. This first song is dedicated to a dear friend who found this song meaningful during a difficult time in their life and it is their birthday today! This one's for you AB. It's also a song that has been powerful for me at different times the past few years. I love the visuals that were put to this song even with the Portuguese subtitles.
The Art of Forgiving
I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately. It's occurred to me that we spend most of our time talking about asking for forgiveness but very little time in discussing the art of forgiving. I truly think it is much easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to be forgiving. Why is that?
I'm sure it is different for everyone and our individual personalities play into how forgiving happens. Also, the action that requires forgiveness must be taken into account as there are some levels of hurt that are deeper than others and require a greater level of forgiveness, at least in the human sense. That being said, for me at least, the easiest part is asking for forgiveness. I have no problem acknowledging my own faults and taking responsibility for those actions which may have hurt a friend along the way. It is much tougher for me to really forgive those who may have a need to ask forgiveness of me.
I think the most difficult part of forgiving is actually giving that person that needs forgiveness the freedom and space to move on, change, grow and learn without the doubts or fears that whatever their transgression was will appear again. That is just plain hard. We naturally have doubts about their sincerity of asking for forgiveness or their ability to actually change. Isn't it sad that we expect people to apologize and ask for forgiveness but we fail to put the expectation on ourselves that we then need to forgive and let these people know that they are forgiven and we will proceed forward forgiven?
Another piece to this puzzle is being honest and forthright with those we feel have hurt us or made us feel uncomfortable. We expect a change or an apology to happen yet the one person we haven't addressed this with is the one person who has created these feelings. How can their be forgiveness if the issues that exist have not been dealt with directly? I am so guilty of this, having expectations for an apology but not ever talking to the person directly about those issues that exist for me. When I put the shoe on the other foot and think about the times that my friends have not addressed me directly with their issues or concerns and the hurt that comes from that, I realize how many times I have done the exact same thing and how much hurt I must have created in that process. Yes, being told your faults straight up doesn't feel great but in the long run my experience has shown that it is the best way to move to forgiveness and reconciliation so that a healthy friendship can continue to grow.
So here are my steps to being a good forgiver:
1. Be honest and forthright. Forgiveness only happens when the people involved know what it is that needs to be changed or what the feelings are behind the need for an apology.
2. Acknowledge that the person has asked for forgiveness. Nothing worse than asking for forgiveness and owning your faults and having that ignored. Doesn't mean you have to forgive at that time, it may take time to get there, but acknowledge that you have heard their apology.
3. Give the person apologizing the space and trust to change and be forgiven. MOVE ON!
4. Let those people know that they are forgiven when that time comes that you can forgive.
5. Be aware that you have the tougher job - forgiving. You have to work hard at it.
6. Pray!
7. Think of both sides of the conflict. What is it you can do to make this better?
That's it. I don't know that there is anything magical or even research based on this. It's just my observations. I have vowed to work hard on this in my own life as it is an area that needs great growth.
Last, I would be remiss if I didn't think about the forgiveness that is given me daily. I am a sinner, everyday. I happen to believe in a Lord and Savior who forgives me graciously, mercifully every moment. If we need a model on how to become a great forgiver we need to look no further than Jesus Christ. His ability to minister and care for all, even those who needed the greatest amount of forgiveness is the perfect design. Sin wasn't measured and forgiveness wasn't given in doses but it was all encompassing. I find it interesting that just like with my friendships it is much easier for me to ask for forgiveness than it is for me to accept the forgiveness freely given me. Hmm...that might be the next step, we ask for forgiveness, then the tough part of being a forgiver but perhaps the most difficult part is accepting forgiveness. Well, I need to go ponder that now.
I'm sure it is different for everyone and our individual personalities play into how forgiving happens. Also, the action that requires forgiveness must be taken into account as there are some levels of hurt that are deeper than others and require a greater level of forgiveness, at least in the human sense. That being said, for me at least, the easiest part is asking for forgiveness. I have no problem acknowledging my own faults and taking responsibility for those actions which may have hurt a friend along the way. It is much tougher for me to really forgive those who may have a need to ask forgiveness of me.
I think the most difficult part of forgiving is actually giving that person that needs forgiveness the freedom and space to move on, change, grow and learn without the doubts or fears that whatever their transgression was will appear again. That is just plain hard. We naturally have doubts about their sincerity of asking for forgiveness or their ability to actually change. Isn't it sad that we expect people to apologize and ask for forgiveness but we fail to put the expectation on ourselves that we then need to forgive and let these people know that they are forgiven and we will proceed forward forgiven?
Another piece to this puzzle is being honest and forthright with those we feel have hurt us or made us feel uncomfortable. We expect a change or an apology to happen yet the one person we haven't addressed this with is the one person who has created these feelings. How can their be forgiveness if the issues that exist have not been dealt with directly? I am so guilty of this, having expectations for an apology but not ever talking to the person directly about those issues that exist for me. When I put the shoe on the other foot and think about the times that my friends have not addressed me directly with their issues or concerns and the hurt that comes from that, I realize how many times I have done the exact same thing and how much hurt I must have created in that process. Yes, being told your faults straight up doesn't feel great but in the long run my experience has shown that it is the best way to move to forgiveness and reconciliation so that a healthy friendship can continue to grow.
So here are my steps to being a good forgiver:
1. Be honest and forthright. Forgiveness only happens when the people involved know what it is that needs to be changed or what the feelings are behind the need for an apology.
2. Acknowledge that the person has asked for forgiveness. Nothing worse than asking for forgiveness and owning your faults and having that ignored. Doesn't mean you have to forgive at that time, it may take time to get there, but acknowledge that you have heard their apology.
3. Give the person apologizing the space and trust to change and be forgiven. MOVE ON!
4. Let those people know that they are forgiven when that time comes that you can forgive.
5. Be aware that you have the tougher job - forgiving. You have to work hard at it.
6. Pray!
7. Think of both sides of the conflict. What is it you can do to make this better?
That's it. I don't know that there is anything magical or even research based on this. It's just my observations. I have vowed to work hard on this in my own life as it is an area that needs great growth.
Last, I would be remiss if I didn't think about the forgiveness that is given me daily. I am a sinner, everyday. I happen to believe in a Lord and Savior who forgives me graciously, mercifully every moment. If we need a model on how to become a great forgiver we need to look no further than Jesus Christ. His ability to minister and care for all, even those who needed the greatest amount of forgiveness is the perfect design. Sin wasn't measured and forgiveness wasn't given in doses but it was all encompassing. I find it interesting that just like with my friendships it is much easier for me to ask for forgiveness than it is for me to accept the forgiveness freely given me. Hmm...that might be the next step, we ask for forgiveness, then the tough part of being a forgiver but perhaps the most difficult part is accepting forgiveness. Well, I need to go ponder that now.
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