This is going to be the first of what I hope will be many daily reflections. My hope is to share as openly and honestly as I can about the thoughts, events and contemplations of each day. More than likely this will be more therapeutic for me than meaningful for both of my readers.
Today was a continuation of what has been a long few days at school. It seems we have more families, parents and students who are dealing with stress in their lives and using the school as the place to release those stresses. I am a people pleaser by nature and it bothers me that their could be parents who are not happy with me or the teachers and staff at our school. I totally support any parents right to advocate for their child and always tell them to never apologize for being that advocate. Sometimes their perspective doesn't match with the reality we see in school and that makes for some difficult conversations. We almost always end in a positive place with a good understanding that we all want what is best for their child. To be honest, I have been very blessed here and have had very few if any times where the wheels seemed to be coming off the bus. It feels like we are closing in on a wheels off the bus moment and I don't like that feeling at all.
All of this leads me to my annual, monthly, weekly, daily, hourly evaluation of who am I called to be and where can I make the most impact. I don't mean this as a way to seek fame or power but truly how can I use the gifts that God has given me in the most meaningful way. Now don't get worried about this or take this as a hint that I'm leaving education or my current job. That is not the case. I find that I am always curious and intrigued by so many facets of life and want to experience them all. I used to think I was trying to find my calling and now have come to realize I am really seeking to figure out what is not my calling. Seems like a subtle difference but it is huge in how I deal with days like today. Instead of looking for ways out...I look for ways to make this better.
The title of this blog kind of encompasses it all for me...I want to be doing something purposeful and that I am passionate about. (That can be anything from homelessness to BBQ!) I get perplexed by where is the best place for me to live a purposeful, passionate life. Not really thinking geographically but more in a soul searching sense. Through all of this I find that I am not a good perfectionist. I am a perfectionist in many ways but I hide it pretty well because I don't handle failure well. This failed perfection is still my biggest block to becoming all that God has in store for me. My sinful self-pride and ego doesn't let me be real very often if I am totally honest. I have learned to play the game well but struggle to find that place or those people that I can really become completely real...zits and all. This struggle does not make me unhappy but it may be quite the understatement to say I am often restless.
I'm not really seeking an answer from others...I think the answers come as part of this wonderful journey I'm on and the unspoken prayers that go through my heart and head each day. As I've told many when I found out I did not get the superintendent position here, while I was disappointed I am abundantly blessed. That is so completely true it cannot be overstated. I get that, I am thankful for so much and yet, Dave Endicott, always is reflective and wondering who he is and what he can do to feel fulfilled. This journey to be purposeful and passionate will mean a lifetime of perplexity I believe.
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