Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Excited and Trapped - the Paradox of Life

Not a lot to say tonight - another crazy day at school.  The lack of functional leadership in our district is starting to take its toll on me and the other staff members.  Fortunately, our building is the functional piece of the district right now so as long as we stay in our zone - life is good.  Unfortunately, there are a number of decisions that ideally need to be made now so that we can effectively plan for next year but that isn't going to happen as we transition to a new superintendent.  Oh well, gainfully employed right!

My real thoughts pertain to the decision we made to put our house on the market and to build on the farm that Esther grew up on if it sells.  Esther's mom still lives on the farm and it has been in the family for 60 years.  The farm has 40 acres (10 acres of woods and the rest pasture) and houses not only my mother-in-law but our two alpacas.  We are blessed to have such a beautiful, fun opportunity and for Esther's siblings being so supportive of our dream.  We are also blessed because we have a wonderful home now and if it doesn't sell we are still home.

It has been quite entertaining to hear the brainstorming going on about what could go on at the farm.  Certainly the Serenity Now Alpaca Farm, LLC will grow and provide some entrepreneurial opportunities.  Esther will hopefully someday be able to just stay at the farm and do her crafty things.  My dream involves starting a camp for autistic children using the alpacas as therapy animals.  The wonderful Special Ed staff at school is volunteering to help get this idea off the ground and staff it for some summer campers.  And if all goes well, maybe we can start selling alpacas and this old fart can retire early!  The brothers-in-law named Mark have suggested a vineyard and vodka distillery.  (Esther's maiden name is Kopka so it would be Kopka Vodka...Ha!)  I'm sure the ideas will continue to grow as time goes on.

I am certainly excited about all the possibilities and to see Esther and her mom so excited about this dream is worth its weight in gold (or in our case alpaca poop).  I would be lying, however, if I didn't admit that this free bird has a little bit of a feeling of being trapped.  Again, don't get me wrong, not something that keeps me up at night or keeps me from eating.  (Far from it!)  Just that little thought about what this means for the long haul.  As I discussed last night I am always searching for that call that is all that I dream of and completely uses the gifts I've been so freely given.  Does this move mean the end to that search for this call?  I don't believe so but a thought that crosses my mind.  It's the right thing to do and that I have no doubt about that.  As usual my problem is there are so many things I still want to do.  Most folks think I've done it all by now and are amazed at the experiences we have gone through in our lives.  I always seem to have this constant yearning for more...not materially or in any tangible measure of success but through experiences and relationships.  There is so much more of this world to explore and learn from right?!

All that being said, I need to be still and know that He is God.  Listen, listen some more and when I feel like moving things my way...listen some more.  So off we go to a new adventure.  Since we are in no hurry to sell our house, it will of course sell in 3 days!  Hopefully it warms up soon so we can live in the camper.  Feel free to respond with other ideas for how we can turn this farm into a place of dreams and life changing opportunities. 

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