The Do Something Walk - Diary #1 - Fear and Doubt

I have been struggling lately with the fact that I can't get an interview for a principal's position, let alone a job. It has caused me to feel fear and to doubt my own abilities. My confidence has taken a hit and I fear that I am not good enough to be what I thought all along I wanted to be and have worked so hard to be. This self-doubt and fear was put into perspective the other day in a powerful way.

A week ago I did a 20 mile walk from Milaca to Mora and little did I know the stories I would hear along the way and how they would change my view of what fear and doubt may be. Along my journey I stopped at a convenience store in the little berg of Bock. While I was sitting at the table having a beverage and a snack the woman who was clerking at the store sat down with me. She asked me what I was doing and I explained to her about my walk. Then she proceeded to tell me her life situation. She is a single mom with 3 kids who are 12, 7 and 5. Her hours at the convenience store have been cut from 40 to 15 hours a week. She makes $150 every two weeks plus gets $700 child support each month. Her family lives in a 2 bedroom 1970 trailer that they rent for $450 a month. This remarkable woman shared with me how she is doing everything she can to give her children a chance to be involved in school and community activities but it is tough to pay for all the fees and for the gas to get to these events. She was worried how she was going to pay for the gas to get her daughter to softball in Hinckley.

Two hours later I stopped in Ogilvie at the Double J Cafe to eat some lunch. While sitting there waiting for my food the waitress began to chat with me. I was asked about my walk and told my story. After I had finished talking about the walk the waitress talked to me about her two kids, both in their late 20's, who were jobless and now living with her. Her son had been living in a car with his pregnant girlfriend and another child. She lives in 3 bedroom, 2 bath trailer with 12 people now residing in that home. She has her trailer paid for but is seeing the financial stability she once had eroding away as she supports two more families living off the wages she earns at a small cafe in rural Minnesota.

The next day Esther and I drove back to the mechanics shop in Milaca where we had left our car to be repaired. While I was waiting for her to check out the car and make sure everything was working properly a gentleman who was sitting in the shop began to strike up a conversation. He asked if I was the guy doing the walk. After visiting about that for a short time he proceeded to tell me how he was a plumber who had been out of work for 10 months. The guy who owned the mechanics shop gave him odds and end jobs to keep him going. This man told me how thankful he was for the friends who had kept him going this past year. In the midst of his worry he was still able to be thankful.

I share these stories for a couple of reasons. One is the perspective that they gave me on my own fear and doubt. I have so much to be thankful for and my worries are miniscule in comparison. These people have real fears and real doubts yet they keep doing all they can to stay positive and to provide for their families. They understand that there are those in situations that are more dire than their own and they want hope for those folks. I got the impression that they vacillate between being hopeful and being overwhelmed by the depth of their problems. It has to be an exhausting life.

Second, I was moved by the fact that just in this one day walk I was able to hear the stories of three people who, while not homeless, related to the situation of those who are homeless. Homelessness is closer to home for all of us than we probably imagine and the issue is getting bigger each day. The agencies I am connected with for the walk have shared how much the need has increased the past year. In a survey done a couple of years ago the estimate is that on any given night there are 9,000 homeless people in Minnesota with 3,000 of those being youth. I am quite certain that when the new survey being done this year comes out those numbers will climb. This walk and this problem of homelessness may be more powerful than I had imagined. The fears and doubts I have about my career and about being able to do this walk are melted away when I look into the eyes of those that have life to fear and doubt in a far different way than I can imagine. I am a believer that we will be provided for and the God I worship and praise will see us through this seemingly endless abyss. However, it is also easy to see how you can doubt when placed in these circumstances of life. Please pray that we can be people of hope, not doubt and fear.

A few thank yous and the latest itinerary to follow. Also, a plea for some help with support team members for the journey. Thank you to Nathan Kopka for the use of his Kamelback, the folks at Calvary for your amazing support in prayer, money and words, the Carlsons for the anti-blister stuff, the Ruds for the reflective shirt, New Pathways and Face to Face for their trust and support in this endeavor, and to my wife and daughters for believing, sacrificing and supporting me as I get closer to the insanity of this walk. I am sure I am missing a few but as the time goes on I will continue to try and acknowledge all those who are making a difference. Oh, a thank you to those folks who shared their stories on the walk and to Lynda Hanni, an old classmate from high school, okay old was the wrong word there, who graciously sent a check for the walk. VERY COOL!

Final Itinerary will be sent in a separate email and Facebook posting.

Peace,
Dave