The Wonderful Contradictions of a Grace-Filled, Merciful Life

2 Corinthians 6:3-10

We are putting no obstacle in anyone’s way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry, but as servants of God we have commended ourselves in every way: through great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, holiness of spirit, genuine love, truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; in honor and dishonor, in ill repute and good repute. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet are well known; as dying, and see—we are alive; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

This was one of the verses that was read in church today and it really took some meaning as I reflected on the past month on my walk today. There has been so much life that has happened that has been, I guess, bittersweet from a human perspective but wonderfully and inexplicably rich in beauty and grace from a faith perspective. These contradictions are a constant in life I've come to believe. I'd like to share a few of those moments.

*A friend and colleague from my real estate days loses her battle with cancer after beating it a couple of times in a miraculous way. There is so much to celebrate about Judy's life and I think most would agree it was a blessing for her to join her Maker and end the suffering. Still, there is a hole and an energy that is missing for many lives that Judy touched in a powerful way. The celebration of life and yet the loss of a loved one.

*I did not get my coaching position back and felt hurt, disappointment and confusion in a way I have not experienced often in life. However, I have a job when others are struggling to find one and it is a good one. I have come to understand that while I don't understand the decision I am in a better place and will be in a better place as a teacher or administrator next year. Disappointment and peace of mind happening in one decision.

*I was called by the daughter of a woman from our church a few hours before her mom passed away losing her four year battle with cancer also. Jenny had written a note that she wanted me to sing at her funeral a song she had heard me sing a few months after she was diagnosed with cancer. The joy of knowing that somehow God used you to touch the life of someone without knowing it yet singing it again at a time to say goodbye.

*Saying goodbye to friends and colleagues whom I have the utmost respect for. Some have jobs, some don't. Celebrating the incredible teachers they were, the students whose lives were impacted greatly and yet seeing the look of uncertainty as they packed up their rooms for a job unknown.

*A toast to my coaching colleagues and friends to bring closure to a difficult time and to give us all a chance to move on with dignity and respect. As I and I believe others I worked with struggled with how to deal with the disappointment for those who were not hired back and yet celebrating those who deservedly got the coaching positions we couldn't find a way to move on and to somehow be real with all those feelings. In a moment of bravery and/or stupidity I brought sparkling grape juice to a meeting the last day and we toasted what was, what is and what is to come for all of us. A tearful moment for me but a necessary action for me to find closure and healing for all the things that happened this past year. It may or may not have been a good bye as we don't know how our paths will cross in the future but at least we can say it's okay either way. I don't know if it meant anything for others but it meant a great deal for me. A strange combination of tears and peace.

*Two friends are celebrating Father's Day today who have recently lost their fathers. They are both wonderful dads themselves and must be going through a mixture of feelings today. Celebrating a life with their own fathers, celebrating the joy of being a father themselves and yet knowing they will never celebrate Father's Day in the same way again.

*Celebrating our 25th Anniversary on June 9th and spending a fantastic weekend on the North Shore. Amazing to think that 25 years ago Esther and I were married and began a marvelous, incredible journey that has incorporated everything that passage from Corinthians mentions. It has not been easy, nor has it been perfect. We/I have struggled, doubted, wondered, and all those other emotions that put a strain on a relationship. I am not an easy person to live with. I am married to a woman who is the definition of compassion and grace and thank God for that. There have been a few moments along this journey where in the heat of the moment and emotion I questioned whether this is where I want to be. What it really comes down to is God brought us together and I believe that with all my heart. 25 years from now I can think of no one I would rather be with than my beautiful bride from that day. Marriage really encompasses all the wonderful contradictions of a grace-filled, merciful life doesn't it?

*I spent Friday visiting a homeless shelter for families with young children and a shelter for young people who are living in different forms of homelessness. What a life-changing experience. There was this rush from the incredible work these shelters and the people who work and volunteer there are doing to change lives and yet the sadness of knowing what a great need there is. The needs keep growing and it is impossible for these agencies to keep up with the demand. Through all that, their heart for the people and families they are serving is unbelievable. These places totally were embraced by these contradictions. Lives that are so indescribably different and difficult in comparison to most of ours and yet the gracious, forgiving love and service that others are giving is overwhelming to observe. I could write a novel on the small amount of time I spent there and it made the walk I'm doing take on a whole new significance and meaning. They are going to be wonderful partners in this walk.

*Last, it is Father's Day. I can say with all honesty that there is no greater joy or moment of pride for me than being a father to our two incredible daughters. You could take away pretty much everything in my life, all my possessions, all my friends, everything and as long as I have Rachel and Emma, I will have everything I could ask God for. I thank God that they have taken on so many of their mom's wonderful qualities and a little bit of my adventuresome spirit. A friend once told me many years ago before the girls were born that he has never experienced God's unconditional love like he did when his children were born. I totally understand! I had a great father to model what it means to be a good dad and today I got to celebrate with him, my mom who has made so many sacrifices along the way, my two daughters and my wife of 25 years. Seriously, can it get any better than that?!! No contradictions here, just a tearful moment of joy for the thrill of being called DAD.

So why do I write all of these moments down. It has really been drilled into my heart this past month that these paradoxical life moments are all around us. Yet God is present in all of this and that becomes more apparent with each passing moment. His grace and forgiveness and the beauty of all this, even the painful, ugly parts is truly amazing. I guess all I can say is no matter where you are at with life and faith please know that you are loved, forgiven and His grace and mercy will be with you no matter. You know the shelter with these high school kids that are doing anything and everything to survive in life is exactly the kind of place Jesus would be and is. You know we suck at forgiving ourselves and sometimes others. We don't always see the eyes of Jesus in ourselves or others we meet. We don't have to...it is not up to us to forgive. God has done that for us. We are called and given the gifts to celebrate that for ourselves and those around us. The two parts of the verse that I leave you with is we are sorrowful yet always rejoicing and we have nothing and yet have everything. We live in a human world and that brings sorrow and empty feelings but we have the greatest gift with us all the time that allows us to rejoice and have everything.