Really Random Good Stuff

This will be really random today but I have a number of tidbits, if you will, that are screaming to be let out. I have had two great days this week and so much that has had meaning along the way. Thoughts from others that were impactful (yeah, I made that word up) and reflections that hit home for me will be shared in this rather dysfunctional collection of thoughts.

Part 1: I have to start with some writings from Esther's (my wife) cousin Tim. Before I share those I have to share how Tim and I connected. I have probably met Tim once or twice in person. We have stayed connected via the wonderful world wide web. I believe our first meeting was at Esti's sister's wedding. For those who know me well, you know that I abhor going to large social events. I just really don't like large social gatherings of any sort, including weddings. (Sorry Mark and Heidi, love you guys but I didn't want to go to your wedding.) For those who don't know me that is probably surprising. I just prefer small, intimate gatherings. Anyway, I digress. So I went to this wedding begrudgingly and had just a pis poor attitude about it. Well, to make a long story short, Tim and his brother and Esther's brother and myself hit it off in a rather, large obnoxious way. I don't know if I have ever laughed as hard for as long as I did that weekend. We were entertaining to say the least and probably borderline for admittance into the mental health ward. So that is how I met Tim and here is what Tim shared after my last blog about hope and the poem on the Beacon of Hope:

For somewhere, out there, beyond the rocks, yet beyond our reach or understanding is the shore. And the shore will bring (or seems to for me anyway) a grounding, a renewed sense of peace, that builds us up. Up to face the the next challenge, as we move on, ever forward, ever a part of building the kingdom. Truly a part, although we may not see or understand it for a long, long time. Stay the course! People see your path, and appreciate it!

I hate it when people write it better than I do..ha...isn't that powerful?! I love it! He captured it so much better than I did. I honestly don't know if my blogs or poems have meaning for anyone other than me. It is cathartic for me to write this stuff but I don't have a clue whether it is any good or has any real power to it but I appreciate Tim's input and support for this endeavor. After some back and forth emails Tim finished with these words of wisdom that are well worth sharing:

We tackle what we can, pray for help\wisdom\guidance, laugh a LOT, and look for how we can help others.

That is it in a nutshell for me. Thanks Tim!

Part 2: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. - Marianne Williamson

I've used this quote before but had lost my focus on it until recently. It is so powerful and really describes my struggles and my hopes. Lately, I've been focusing on filling out applications for principal and assistant principal positions. As I was on my walk tonight it dawned on me that this is the perfect answer to the question that asks why I want to be a principal. Isn't this what we want to happen for our children, for our friends, or as a principal for the teachers, students, everyone who is a part of the educational community. Really, who are you not to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous. Oh how easily I lose sight of this in my own life. That fear of being powerful beyond measure is so real. Bringing those expectations upon ourselves can be downright scary. What if we fail to be that? The reality is if we believe we will fail, we will fail. But if we believe that we are to be all of that, wow, what an impact on our world.

So, as I said the past two days have been really good. I have had the opportunity to have some meaningful impact with teachers and students in the schools that I serve. It has been gratifying and energizing to feel like my gifts have been used to make a difference as cliche' as that sounds. In the midst of some of the chaos and uncertainty that exists in our schools there was a feeling of accomplishment and knowing that we have students who are worth all of our efforts regardless of circumstances. It has been really powerful to be able to help others see what a gift they are whether they are secure in their jobs or not. They have significant work to do for young people who are worth them using every ounce of their brilliance and talent on and that is true, positive power. The power that Marianne Williamson talks about. I've been preaching about hope in my last few blogs and I have really been experiencing it as I was working and at home. We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same has been so true this week.

Part 3: On a personal note, and I'm not a big fan of personal notes but I'll go out on a limb. Part of my good week has been feeling as physically healthy as I have felt in a month or more. After a weekend of feeling as sick as I can ever remember feeling, it is so fun to feel energetic and alive again. I have lost 10 lbs in a week and now only have 20 more to go to reach my goal and get my girlish figure back, which I haven't seen since who knows when. I've been exercising regularly and eating fairly well, well since I went a few days without any meals when I was sick.

Along with that, I have to tell you that I really believe for the first time since I began pursuing a principal's license a few years ago, that I really feel ready. I believe that I am going to get something for this fall. I know it probably won't be in my current district but I do believe there will be opportunities that will be a fit and that my belief in all those things in that quote above will put me in a position to get hired. Now the beauty of it for me is if this doesn't happen, I am okay with that. I love what I'm doing and God willing will have the opportunity to work with these wonderful co-workers again. There was a time when I was desperate for an administrative job and I really would take it hard when it didn't happen but now, I'm very much at peace professionally. Along those lines, I came into one of my schools this afternoon and there was an envelope in my mailbox. In that envelope was a letter of recommendation from the Social Worker in that building. Totally, unsolicited and a most gracious letter. He wanted people to know that he thinks I should be a principal. I was blown away. I don't usually like sharing these things but I have been so deep and dark on this blog that I wanted people to see this side of me. Thanks Jerry! You have no idea how meaningful your actions were today.

Speaking of co-workers, a couple of them have listened and counseled me a number of times when I've had some struggles and questions with myself. Which is pretty much 24/7. They both are very wise and are wonderfully frank and honest with me. I love it, I really do. Both mentioned the need for me to take care of myself FIRST. I don't do this well and not sure I believe in it but I get what they are saying. If I'm not healthy, happy, beautiful, brilliant and fabulous how can I really have the impact God has given me the gifts to have. That being said, I have discovered again for the 1,000th time, that my most content, peaceful moments are when I'm caring for others, building others up, focusing on others' needs. Thanks to you Kristina and Michelle for your honesty, time and caring. You do make a difference.

Part 4: Okay, this is the last part as this blog is already a marathon. I feel very hypocritical when I blog, especially about faith issues. You see it is much easier to write or sing about it than it is to live it. Who am I to write about these things when I do such a poor job of living it? I hate hypocrits but I find myself being just that. I hope the two or three people who read this understand that I don't share as an expert or a person with all the answers. Far from it, I have far more questions and so much more to learn before I am an expert. It struck me as I was walking tonight that actually we are all hypocrits to a degree who profess a faith of any sort. None of us live up to that which we profess. We are human, sinners, and the reason for our faith, our God is so that we have that forgiveness, grace, mercy poured upon us to move forward.

I have had a great week but there are many around me that are hurting, uncertain, searching. I have relationships that still need healing, answers to questions that are still missing, and areas of life that still need prayer and peace. There will be down days ahead, days that aren't as hopeful as I'd want all to experience daily. I don't have all the answers and certainly don't follow my own words of wisdom (?) well but there is hope in all this and I have experienced it again through so many others this week.