Hope is All That's Left

I won't lie, this past week was extremely long, emotionally and physically draining. A number of my teaching friends/colleagues found out they would not have jobs next year. They face a very uncertain future in a job market that can only be described as bleak for many and that includes education. This bothered me, really brought me down as I see these wonderful people and great teachers trying to struggle with the unknown.

I looked into the tear-filled eyes of a dear friend only to find out that I was at least a part of the reason for the sad eyes and hurt. A friendship that I cherish is riding through turbulent waters and it hurts. Something I can't control now and can't fix and that is troubling.

I was as sick as I've been for years. Went three days without a meal and if you know me and how I like to eat, you know something wasn't right. (Great start to the new diet though and I've lost 8 lbs this week! A little silver lining there I guess.) I don't handle sick and being out of commission well and I spent too much time sleeping and dealing with other bodily functions.

All of that was plenty to put me in a funk and then this morning we were heading to Palm Sunday Service at church. I again have to be honest, I don't usually like Palm Sunday for some reason. It seems like we trivialize Jesus' journey and make it into some type of ticker-tape parade. The reality is this was a journey into excruciating pain, disciples turning their backs on the man they proclaimed to believe was Christ, a ruler trying to be right and told by the crowd to ignore what he saw as right and crucify this man. This was a trip on a donkey to death. A most painful, unjust, but life-changing, world-changing death.

So I went into this service with many doubts and just a bad attitude. Well God loves a challenge evidently as this worship was truly powerful. We traveled with Jesus through this journey to the cross in a very powerful way. One of the talented men sang Were You There first with harp and piano, then just harp, and the final time without accompaniment. It was moving to say the least. The story came to life, the reality of what it all means was very present. I left understanding the pain of the sacrifice to come but also with the hope of what Easter means.

I took a Lenten journey this week. The pain was evident all around me. Hurt could be seen in so many eyes. (I use the term sad eyes for my friend and today after church a friend saw me and said that I had sad eyes today. Kind of blew me away that someone that sees me maybe once a week and doesn't know me that well could see that and would use that exact terminology.) I had to wonder what was there to cling to? What can I do to make a difference with this hurt? Where can I go to find that hope because for many, hope is all that is left and even that is questionable.

I found some of that hope in a couple of places today. As my daughter Emma leaned into me at church and placed her head on my shoulder and looked in my eyes, I saw hope. The beauty of all that is right was reflected in those eyes and her knowing smile. A friend/colleague whom I have the utmost respect for was reflecting with me on some things and wrote, "I'm sorry you have lost a friendship, but I trust that honestly, God's plan is a perfect one and it will all work out in time and in His way." Wow, that is hope and she is spot on with that. The worship service today talked of a painful journey but pointed us directly to a cross that will soon be empty. Taking on all my sin and all my pain and bringing a promise of never-ending love, forgiveness, grace and mercy. I have started going for walks down our wonderful, quiet, tree-lined road in front of our house and saw God's beauty and hope in so many places. Serenity even. As I was walking I was listening to my long lost i-Pod Shuffle that has a lot of music from my favorite group Third Day on it. I could post a bunch of song lyrics here. I have done a few long ago on my blog. Every time I would think yeah this is it, I'll post this and then another would come up and I'd go no this one. I'll leave you with one of my favorites when I'm done here. There were so many songs that touched upon my search for that hope. It was really an inspirational walk.

So, yes, sometimes hope is all that's left but I think that can be enough. I don't have a lot of answers, still have some sad eyes, still hurt for those going through tough times and for severed friendships but I have a God, a Savior, a Christ who suffered, died, rose again for me, for you, and loves us no matter, forgives us no matter, pours His grace and mercy upon us no matter, and that is hope and hope is all that's left no matter.

This song has ministered to me in times when I have really struggled. Really speaks of where our hope comes from.

"Mountain Of God" by Third Day

Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

And I didn't even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

'Til You opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I couldn't ever make it
Without You

Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God

As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me

I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again

Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from
And the things I've left behind
But of all I've had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what's in front of me
With what's in front of me