Entitlement and Grace

As I have reflected on the past couple of days the word entitlement has come to mind. It unfortunately or maybe fortunately is a word that is quite humbling for me now. Friday I found out that I was not hired back to be an instructional coach for next year. (I do have a job as a 3rd grade teacher and I am very thankful for that.) This decision hit me hard. I was hurt, angry, confused and felt I had been wronged. I believe that I have done a good job this year, not a great job, but a good job and had support from principals and teachers to build this belief from. So when I was informed that I was not chosen it was a shock and something I had not prepared myself for. I had a gut feeling that this would happen but still had a belief that I was entitled to that job. There is plenty more background to this process but really it is not important. You have enough for me to move on to the crux of this message.

I have read a number of articles the past couple of years speaking to the generation of 20 and 30 yr old folks who have this sense of entitlement. I must say I have experienced that and I guess had a feeling that I was above that. How wrong I have found that to be now. You see I reacted in anger feeling I was entitled to this job. Yes, there are pieces about it that puzzle me because I've never received feedback indicating that I was doing anything wrong or was not effectively doing my job. So I felt that I was entitled to this job. Last night it dawned on me that I was wrong to feel that way. Maybe, just maybe, they hired someone who is better qualified than I am for this position. Maybe this is not where I am called to be and how I deal with it will be more important than the position I have. I get to trade the dreaded endless meetings of the coaching world for the dreaded correcting of papers of the teaching world but I get to be with kids and how can that be bad? I am not usually someone who builds himself up, in fact it is usually the opposite and I am tearing myself down. I am a competitive person however and not liking to lose brought out the worst for me.

You see my sense of entitlement created a situation where I was not able to handle this in a positive way at the time. I am human and there is still some hurt and a level of uncomfortableness/embarrassment within my workplace but I must see it in a different light. This sense of entitlement is also an indication of a lack of trust in the fact that God has a plan for me. I get the opportunity to work with a principal who I have heard is wonderful to work with and learn a new grade level. I do love learning new things so that works well. I am very grateful that I have that opportunity as I have friends who do not. I recently completed my principal's license and will continue to search for a leadership opportunity.

I'm not usually the share a Bible verse type on this blog but my favorite verse came to mind today. Romans 8:28 - God makes all things work together for good,for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. I know that there is a plan and that I have been blessed with gifts that can and will make a difference especially for young people. It is a passion of mine. Oh, I wish that calling would be more clear on days like Friday and I wish I was wired differently so that it didn't seem so personal but that is not the case. This is who I am and I have finally learned to stop apologizing for that fact. So I ask for your prayers that I continue to grow through this and gain discernment as to what His plan may be. As usual perspective is everything and I was reminded right away of the pain and suffering others are going through. My plights are nothing in the big picture. His grace has been abundant and for that I am very thankful. May God's peace be a part of your day and week.